11

Chicken Scratch

“You owe me a lot with how much work I’ve been helping you with these days, Atti. Don’t you know a girl’s got things to do?” Dimitri is seated in the host chair in the radio station, fiddling with buttons on everything around her, looking excited despite her statement.
“Yeah, well, it’s not easy for me to get anything done when I have to be in here literally 24/7 now.” Atticus is by the entrance, shouldering his pack and opening the door to leave. “You said you wanted to choose some of the music anyway, so here’s your chance to go crazy on the station. I’m trusting you NOT to put me in the doghouse, just make sure decent music is playing for a few hours while I’m out.”
“Aye aye, captain. I will definitely not say anything while I’m on air.”
“Dimitri I fucking swear…” He glares at her with a look that could slice directly through the space.
She smirks in response, “Easy there buckaroo, I’m kidding. I know better, that wouldn’t help me at all either.”
Atticus shakes his head and leaves, slamming the door behind him. He heads down the building and outside, flagging down a gondolier to take him downstream.
The gondolier is one that Atticus has ridden with several times before; a tall, lanky guy probably close to a decade older than himself. He recognizes Atticus as he slides into the boat, still grimacing from the bruises that remain mottled across his body, “Good afternoon, Mr. Frank, surprised to see you out today.”
“Just Atticus, please. And yeah, I wouldn’t leave the station unless absolutely necessary, but I’ve been up there for three days now and can’t stand wearing the same damn clothes anymore. Mind taking me to the lower end so I can pick up my belongings from my old place? I’ll let you know where to stop.”
“Of course, Atticus. You’re doing great, by the way. I can only listen in the evenings, but my family enjoys the show just as much as before, if not more.” He pushes off the docks and lets the flow of water do most of the work in bringing them downstream.
Atticus sighs in response, deflating in his seat, “Thanks, that’s good to hear, I guess. I already desperately need a break though.”
The man glances back, noticing the weight of Atticus’ eyelids, and decides not to continue the conversation, focusing on steering the boat instead. It doesn’t take too long before Atticus points out his apartment building and the man slows the boat, docking it right out front.
“Thanks, man, I’d ask you to wait but I think I’ll need to stare at the wall in there for a while, so feel free to take off.” He passes the man a wad of cash, more than necessary, and clumsily exits the boat.
Upstairs in what was once his flat, Atticus turns on the radio and begins going through all of his cabinets and drawers. He’s relieved to not hear Dimitri speak at all, but she’s playing a female rapper from the last century. He’s surprisingly into the music but decides he won’t admit that to her later.
Most of the food in the cabinets and dark refrigerator has gone bad, so he tosses it into a compost bin that he’ll dispose of on his way out, but it makes the room smell even worse than usual. He doesn’t have many belongings, but he fills his laundry bag with all of his clothing and then tucks all of his notebooks and miscellaneous things into his personal bag. Tucked between his bed and the wall, Atticus digs out a stuffed chicken that Sienna had sewn him as a child, using cloth scraps from his late parents’ closet. It’s the last item in the room that he bothers to take along, but he doesn’t pack it away just yet. Instead, he lays on his bed, holding it for several minutes as he stares up at the ceiling.
Feeling about as ready as he can to get back to work, Atticus stands and finishes up in the apartment, heading back down to the docks with his two stuffed packs. The same gondolier is still waiting there, to his surprise. “I told you you didn’t have to wait. What are you, some kinda simp?”
The man snorts, “I made a run while you were up there and you paid me a lot so the least I could do was come back. Besides,” He nods past Atticus to a couple of people sitting against the building, “They said you hadn’t come back down yet, so I’ve only been waiting for a few minutes.”
Atticus tosses his bags into the boat and then turns to see who the gondolier was referring to, his heart skipping a beat when George and his friend are sitting there. “Fuck, Georgie, are you watching me now?”
George stands up, his face twisted into a snarl, “Oh get over it, I just put two and two together when this guy was docked outside your building for a bit, figured I’d wait and see if I was right. Super cool of you to storm off like that the other night, by the way, and just when I thought you were gonna be cool again.”
“Fuck you, dude, I didn’t have a choice. Tell the fam I’m sorry and then cry about it if you’re still so hurt, I really don’t have the time for this argument right now.”
“Naw, Mom and Sunny deserve a better apology than that. But now what? You’re never gonna show up again? Too busy with your new job? Lenny never even mentioned being si-”
He’s cut off when Atticus shoves him back against the wall, his friend jumping up to interfere in case things intensify. Atticus tries not to yell, speaking through a clenched jaw, “You think I don’t fucking know that? Seriously, Georgie, are you dense? I cannot do this right now. I didn’t want this, but clearly, lives are on the line. I need you to drop it. Go home, tell the family I’m really, truly sorry and that I love them, but no, I can’t come around right now, not unless I think it’s safe for all of you.” He lets go of George and steps back, looking around to see if anyone was watching aside from the gondolier and George’s friend.
George’s eyes are wide in fear as he stays against the wall; seeing an animal caught in a trap instead of the older brother he grew up with. “We all know that you’re unwell, Atti, what happened? You know you can talk to us…”
He opens his mouth, wanting to explain, but holds his tongue, instead forcing the rest of his cash into George’s hand. “I’m sorry, really, but people can’t see me like this, I’ve gotta go.” He turns and hops into the boat waiting for him, motioning for the gondolier to move out.
Once they’re around a corner, Atticus speaks to the man steering the boat, “If that money wasn’t enough, I can get you more. I’d really appreciate it if you’d forget what you just saw, wasn’t in my best light.”
The man glances away from the water and meets Atticus’s eyes, “It was plenty, it’ll feed my family for a while. And about that… I didn’t see a thing.”
Atticus relaxes, “Thank you, I’ll look out for you whenever I need a ride. Sorry, I never actually asked your name, either.”
“It’s Trevor, and no worries, I’ll always appreciate the business. As far as I’m concerned, you’re a friendly and gracious patron.”
They finish the ride in silence and the man helps toss Atticus’s bags to the dock as they arrive. Atticus thanks him once again before dragging himself and his things into the building and up to his room. He paces for several minutes, muttering curses, before recomposing himself and heading down the hall to the radio station.
Upon entering, Dimitri smiles at him but quickly drops the expression and furrows her brows, “What’s up your ass?”
“Your massive fucking self-obsession, that’s why I’m in so much agony. Scoot.” He marches directly to his seat, making her move quickly to get out of his way in time.
He puts on the headset before she has a chance to say anything as she carefully moves to the extra seat across from him, watching with nervous amusement.
Once the song is over, Atticus unmutes and speaks as a completely different person, “Welcome back, everyone! I hope your days are going splendidly, I know mine is. It kinda looks like rain out there, though, so I hope you’re all headed home soon if you’re not already there. Maybe I’ll also show up in your home, you never know. Every time you hear my voice now, I want you to wonder whether or not it’s actually coming from the radio. You’d be surprised how many holes I found in the walls of this city, living on the streets as a kid. I guess that’s why some people have referred to me as a catfish, because of my old habits of feeding off the scraps of others. But I’ll tell you about my bottom feeding if you know what I mean.” He pauses, “Alright I think that’s enough of my voice for now. Next up, we’re gonna keep playing some hip hop, but keep it local. You all probably know of him, but I hear the ladies call him ‘Grippy,’ so here’s a popular album by Jermaine.” He hits play and takes off the headset, crossing his arms and leaning back in the chair.
“Feel better?” Dimitri cringes.
“Mm, enough. I ran into George out there and he nearly fucked me over being a little punk with a big mouth.”
She cackles, “I know he’s a punk, but was it actually his fault or were you just being a dick?”
Atticus grinds his teeth, “I’m not particularly proud of how I handled the situation. I don’t like treating my family like that.”
“Naturally. We’ll work on your emotional maturity, yeah?”
He rolls his eyes, “Look who’s talking, and you’ve been around how much longer than me?”
“Yeah but it’s cute in me, in you it’s just toxic behavior.”
They finish out the evening show, Atticus introducing several more artists and songs before saying goodnight to Seatac and shuffling a long playlist to carry the station through the night. Dimitri takes her leave, saying she has things to do, and Atticus heads to his own room. He throws his clothing into a dresser and then snacks on miscellaneous foods, too lazy to put a substantial meal together. Somebody has left several packs of smokes on his counter, but he can’t decide if they’re from Dimitri or Moony. Regardless, he lights one and smokes in silence before crawling into bed and passing out.
*****
Waking up, Atticus notices that his new place is quieter than the previous. He’s further off the ground and the building is more intact than those near the coast. It’s too quiet, he decides, and doesn’t lay in bed for long. There’s people waiting for him anyway.
The sun isn’t quite above the horizon yet, but the light of dawn can hardly be seen through the gloom of rain clouds anyway. Before this week, Atticus almost never woke up this early, but he’s quickly adjusting as he makes breakfast and brings the plate of food down the hall and into the radio station. The only silence he’s in favor of at the moment, he decides, is that of the lack of Dimitri’s voice. Luckily, she tends not to come around until later in the morning.
He gets settled in his seat and yawns before unmuting himself, “Morning, Seatac, it is 5:47am and I’m sure we’re all just barely waking up. It’s definitely going to be rainy today, probably all day, knowing how it goes. Let’s get started with a couple songs by Miss Jenny Holland, and then I’ll have an announcement involving her later today when more people are awake, so make sure to stay tuned in. This is ‘Damn Easy’ from her most recent album.”
He hits play and leaves the headset on to listen to it himself, but the music is cut off by an all-too-familiar voice, “Good morning, Atti Boy, you feel better today or should I stay away to avoid your angst?”
He sighs heavily, almost choosing to just take off the headphones and ignore her, but decides against, “I’m fine, although I was enjoying some amount of solitude in the station this morning. What’s up?”
“Oh good, I’m coming up then.” Her voice is quickly replaced by Jenny’s once again but it only takes a matter of minutes for Dimitri’s voice to be in the room with him.
Atticus keeps the headset on when Dimitri enters the room, making sure he has more songs queued up. He finally takes off the headset after watching her mouth move for a few seconds, “Who?”
“I was talking about you-”
“Asked?
She stares at him for a moment, “Rude, did you hear anything I said?”
“No, because I’m doing my job. What’s up?”
“I’ll start over then. I’m on a mission to find you something to wear for the show tomorrow night, but I need measurements from you and I’d like to go through your clothes to see if anything is usable and…” she continues to ramble, but Atticus zones out, staring at her. “Are you seriously still not listening?”
“I think I caught enough, it is far too early for me to comprehend any of this right now. You know where my room is, just don’t throw anything out, please.”
“I should’ve just skipped right to going through your things instead of wasting my time here. Sorry I wanted to be polite, I guess.” She huffs a bit, “Can I at least take measurements? I’d rather not put you in some ugly, ill-fitting suit.”
“Yeah, just let me announce this next song and I’m all yours.” He replaces his headset and does so before reluctantly pushing out of his seat and going to stand next to Dimitri, who is far too excited at such an early hour.
Once she’s done, Dimitri gives him a friendly punch on the shoulder, “That wasn’t so bad, was it? I’ll leave you be now, grumpy head.” She turns and struts out of the room, leaving Atticus to return to his job.
Dimitri returns in the afternoon, throwing open the door and holding out the new clothing with a flourish. Atticus looks up in surprise, having not heard her arrival over the music, “Shit, you scared me!” His eyes fall on what she’s holding, “Oh boy…”
In her arms is a two piece suit made of a dark, desaturated green. It’s a softer material, as opposed to the sleek satin that Moony wears. “Don’t ‘oh boy’ me, this is going to be the best you’ve looked in your entire life. A measly ‘thank you’ would suffice.”
“We’ll see.”
“You also would not believe what else I got for you.” She waits for him to ask but continues when he doesn’t, “Soap, Atti, you have a working shower now, use it. No more of your weird sink showers.”
“Sienna always called them bird baths. My shower works?”
“That… doesn’t make it better. You didn’t even check!?”
He shrugs and checks his headset to see if the music he’s playing is almost over. “One sec, I’ve gotta get on air for a moment, time for the announcement.”
Dimitri takes a seat, making sure not to wrinkle the clothing as she lays them in her lap.
“That was one of my favorites from the archives, she’s got an incredible voice, right? Just make sure to keep her mom’s name out of your mouth, or I guess her dad would’ve slapped the shit outta you. Now, speaking of great voices with great range, I can finally announce that Miss Jenny Holland is playing tomorrow night up in Century City at Mondo’s venue, the Moonlight Serenade, and I have personally been invited to stream the show! That said, there will be some time tomorrow that I won’t be on air, but don’t worry, you won’t get a reprieve from my voice for long, I’ll just be setting up at the Serenade so that we can all listen to Jenny together. I hope you all are looking forward to the show as much as I am, but for now, let’s keep listening to this album. Next song is ‘false self.’”
*****
Atticus lets the lukewarm water run down his body for far longer than necessary, not remembering the last time he’s taken an actual shower. He could get used to this.
The water pooling at his feet is murky and he hadn’t realized how much dried blood had been buried in his hair and scalp until he watched it flow down the drain. Many of his bruises have faded by now, but his ribs remain sore and it doesn’t take a mirror for him to know his eyes will probably never look as bright as they did when he was a child. No amount of soap and water can wash away the stress that collects in his eye bags.
After probably half an hour, Atticus finally shuts the water off and steps out of the shower, deciding to throw on his usual sweater and pants instead of getting into the suit that Dimitri got for him; he’ll put that on once he gets to Century City to avoid getting it dirty. He brushes his teeth, being gentle around the hole in his gums where the molar once was. He almost feels guilty being able to enjoy self care, as if he doesn’t deserve it, or like he’s masquerading cleanliness when he feels like his insides are rotting. He pushes those thoughts aside and reminds himself that he’s not doing this for himself but to appease Moony and Dimitri and to keep his head attached long enough to support the family- even if it has to be from afar. He’s not mad about where he’s at, and being successful, but he can’t quite get the guilty feeling to go away. He spits out the water in his mouth, spotted with blood, and leaves the bathroom before he has to see himself in the mirror any longer.
“Oh thank goodness, I can’t smell you anymore. Never thought I’d feel so grateful for something so simple.” Dimitri is seated in her usual chair.
“Shit! Can you stop showing up unannounced? For fucks sake, Di, I need some privacy sometimes.”
“You gave that up when you agreed to work with me.”
“I don’t remember that being in the contract.”
“You never asked for the contract, did you? Just be glad that I’m great company.” She stands and faces him, “You ready to head inland? Moony made sure all the equipment you need is already at the venue, so you shouldn’t need to bring much. Where’s the suit?”
Atticus squints at her but decides that’s a conversation for another time, “I’ll change when I get there, it’s folded neatly, don’t worry, and in my bag.” He grabs food from the kitchen and eats as they head out the door. Stopping by the radio station, Atticus grabs a few CDs, his headset, and a device he found with enough space on it to record and save some of Jenny’s performance.
They travel inland without issue, having left far before any of the evening crowds come out in Century City. Inside the building, Atticus steps away to change before they can run into anyone of status that’ll give him a hard time. He finds a private bathroom on one of the lower levels.
“Okayyyy. Looking good.” Dimitri smirks when he comes out and then fixes a couple wrinkles and stray hairs. “How does it feel? You look like a teen whose mom forced him to go to prom alone.”
“What-?” He’s trying to brush her hands out of his space.
“Do you like the fit?”
“Yeah, it’s great, more comfortable than I expected from you.”
“I know.”
“Why’d you ask then?” He’s exacerbated as he turns and moves to an elevator.
Dimitri follows his lead and stays by his side, “Because I like to be validated. A little offended you expected anything less from me, however.”
“Whatever.”
They travel in silence the rest of the way into the Moonlight Serenade, where one crew is setting up the stage and another is setting up Atticus’ radio equipment in the same place as when Lenny was there for Mondo’s performance. Atticus tenses his shoulders, holding his breath as they cross the large room.
“Make sure your space is good to go and then meet me at the bar, you’re too tense.” Dimitri nods towards the bar counter on one side of the room.
“I’ve told you I’m not into the shit people drink up here, find something better.”
“Oh believe me, it will be better. Moony should be down shortly and if there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s making the mundane… extravagant.”
Atticus shrugs and agrees before splitting from Dimitri and approaching his station in the corner. Upon seeing the organization that the crew has managed with the gear, Atticus is suddenly far too aware of why Lenny hated when others touched his set-up. Nothing is where he usually places it and Atticus sets to work shifting gear around until it somewhat resembles what he’s accustomed to. He purses his lips as he notices how much more cluttered it looks and almost reverses what he’s done but decides against. If Moony wants him here, he’ll show up, but Atticus is not about to be that man’s dog the way Jackson is, Moony can deal with a bit of clutter. Satisfied, he turns to leave but is interrupted by someone suddenly standing beside him, clearing their throat.
Moony stands with his arms crossed, staring at the mess of wires and electronics, “I assume this is your way of irritating me?”
“You could say that, or you could accept that I’ll simply be more efficient if I’m familiar with the set-up. Your choice.”
Moony side-eyes him, “We’re waiting for you at the bar, people will be arriving soon and I’d rather not be out here when they do. Maybe if you’d been satisfied with the work Jackson’s people had done here, we wouldn’t be tight on time.”
“Maybe if you loosened your asshole and pulled the stick out of it you’d enjoy life a little more, but I suppose you can just manipulate a city into sucking your cock whenever you like to fill that hole.” Atticus meets his eyes for a moment before continuing, “But what do I know? I’m sure you’re great once I get to know you. After all, you’re the god of entertainment, you know how to please a crowd.”
“That’s enough.” Moony turns sharply and leads the way to the bar, where Dimitri, Jackson, and Jenny are all seated.
Nobody else is around, the room having emptied once everything was set up. There’s no bartender, either, but Moony walks around the counter to take that position as Atticus finds a seat between Dimitri and Jackson. Fully aware that he is surrounded by gods and people of influence, Atticus is suddenly counting on that alcohol.
Moony begins mixing drinks of different colors for each individual at the counter without speaking. He serves everyone else, including himself, before turning to Atticus, “Well?”
Atticus opens his mouth to speak but is cut off before he can come up with something to say.
“Make this scallywag something with rum, it is sunset after all.” Dimitri winks at Atticus and adds, “And make it strong.”
Moony takes her suggestion and slides a glass towards Atticus, who takes one sip, decides it’s good enough, and downs the rest of the glass. He does his best not to make a face, but grimaces a bit regardless. “Yeah that’s fine, I’ll be more civil about the next glass, I just needed to numb the pain of this boring-ass meeting. Is this what luxury is? Drinking supernatural spirits in silence while we all try to explode each other’s minds?” He leans into the bar counter to look past Jackson and address Jenny, “Hi Jenny, I’m Atti, glad to finally meet you, please tell me you’re better company than Glitter Boy and the human equivalent of wet cardboard.”
Jenny bursts out laughing, Jackson and Moony both looking perturbed, and then she catches her breath enough to respond, “Nice to meet you too, finally! Those are some harsh insults, though. What about your lovely goddess behind you? You got anything to say about her?”
“Oh unfortunately I have to admit Di is definitely not boring. Narcissistic, overbearing, and controlling, however, are all good ways to describe her.” He turns to Dimitri, “disrespectfully, of course.”
Dimitri smirks but doesn’t say a word, signaling to Moony to serve another round of drinks.
Jackson takes the chance to speak up in the stead of anyone else, “Mr. Frank, I see you are as loudmouthed as ever, and I can’t say I’m impressed at how you’re using your second chance at a first impression on Moony and me. Already drunk, too. You’re useless.”
“Oh buddy, you wish I were intoxicated already, I’d keep my mouth shut, then. And who said I wanted to make a better impression? No, this is all for Jenny and Di, but you wouldn’t understand what it’s like to be loved by women, or anyone, would you?” Atticus holds eye contact with him, sipping the newly filled glass that’s been placed in front of him, until Jackson breaks the gaze.
“Just you wait, you’ll regret ever stepping foot in Century City, filthy lowlife.” Jackson finishes his own drink and stands to leave, “I should make sure my men are being useful in the back.”
“Filthy lowlife- real original insult there,” Atticus laughs as Jackson saunters away, turning back to the group in time to see Dimitri sliding a paper note across to Moony, who pockets it with a smile.
Dimitri notices Atticus’s gaze and reassures him, “Don’t worry about it, we’ve just been taking bets on how long it takes for Jackson to kill you.”
Atticus scoffs in response, “And apparently you’re already losing.”
Jenny is watching him and the others closely, with a relaxed smile on her face. “Eun-Min would never admit to it, but I think I know why you’re here, Atti.”
Atticus takes another drink and raises an eyebrow, facing her more clearly now that Jackson isn’t impeding the view. Jenny is in a well-fitted, deep red dress that accentuates her curves and clear skin, which are not common features amongst most of the residents of Seatac; who are malnourished and overworked. “I’m here because you supposedly asked me to be. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“No, no, I mean here in this situation. You’re more than just useful to these gods. I’m useful to them, but there’s more to you, and I am not envious. I look forward to working with you, though, and I sure hope you make it.”
He doesn’t respond to the statement. Atticus knows she’s right as he studies her during the awkward silence that has now fallen over the group. If he were simply useful to Di or Moony, he would probably look and feel as healthy as Jenny, but that’s not the case. She’s taken care of because she needs to stay happy and healthy to fulfill Moony’s needs, so why isn’t he? The room is starting to spin.
“Don’t go putting any ideas in this kid’s head please, Ms. Holland.” Moony breaks the silence and addresses Atticus, “You are only barely useful to me, but I hope to see you become more for my sake. Remember though, replaceable.”
“Heard, Glitter Boy,” Atticus raises his glass to that and then makes note of several of Jackson’s men beginning to trickle in, “I better get to work before things get going in here, we don’t want to deprave my listeners of any amount of their precious entertainment, do we?”
Atticus doesn’t wait for a response or to see if Dimitri will follow, proceeding to slide out of his seat at the bar and cross the room to his radio set-up. A rope partition has been placed around the gear, just like the last time, and he settles into the single seat amidst the mess. This time the seat is actually his, instead of him taking it impulsively. It’s been just over a week since Jackson’s monsoon party, but Atticus has counted the hours as days. He glances across to Dimitri and Moony, still seated at the bar, but refocuses on what’s in front of him.
He puts on his headset and unmutes the mic, “What’s up, Seatac? I’m back, currently set up in the Moonlight Serenade. We’ve still got a little bit of time until any live music, but I didn’t want to leave you all listening to static while we wait, so I’ve got some stuff from the archives to kill some time. Just so you don’t get burnt out on jazz and soul before Jenny even comes on, these next songs are going to be a lot more alternative, from a band that paved the way for 360 degree immersive sound experiences. I bet you all would kill to hear my show from every direction like that. Anyway, don’t get lost in Nara with this one, wherever that is.”
Atticus is warm from the alcohol and comfortable as he sits alone in the corner of the room. Patrons are beginning to flood in, the doors having been opened while he was on air, but most pay him no mind. He settles deeper into his seat, lighting a cigarette and people watching. He watches a group that walks in, clearly intoxicated beyond functionality, and recognizes several of them as the partiers that tried to drug him at the last function. He quickly looks away, not wanting to remember that situation, and watches others stream in instead. The crowd is diverse, people from all over Seatac and from different backgrounds coming together to numb their senses for the evening.
He turns his attention back to the music, skipping ahead to another song in the album as the current song comes to an end. Looking back up, however, Dimitri has appeared inside the rope, looming over him. “Miss me?” She bares her teeth as she smiles, and Atticus is no longer sure if they’re a sign of charm or deceit.
“Hard to miss someone that doesn’t ever leave me alone. You hanging out? I might need a hand in making sure Jenny’s performance transmits alright.”
“You say rude things and then expect me to still help you, so maybe I should leave and go enjoy the party instead.”
“Don’t make me ask nicely, you know I’m not wired that way.”
She slips back under the rope and starts to walk away.
“Dammit, Di!” Atticus grinds his teeth and raises his voice above the growing volume of the room as she ignores him, “Dimitri, I need your assistance, please help me.”
She turns, grinning widely, “Well there’s no need to yell, of course I’ll help you!”
As if timed by Dimitri herself, Jenny enters the stage and begins talking to the crowd that has flooded the room. Atticus mumbles several curses as he scrambles to change settings on the equipment.
“Mmm, don’t do that, use that switch over there.” Dimitri nods towards a different machine.
“Don’t fucking play with me, get over here and help me. I’ll owe you one or whatever, just move quickly.” He unmutes his own mic, motioning for Di to prepare to switch audio input once he’s done announcing Jenny’s arrival to his radio listeners. She does so at the right time, and Jenny’s voice fills the air, inside the room as well as throughout the city. Atticus sighs in relief and removes his headset, signing off until the end of her set.
“You wanna go out and join the fun for a bit?” Dimitri is quick to offer the moment she knows Atticus can hear her.
“I can enjoy it from here.” He doesn’t budge from his seat, instead hitting record on the device he brought.
Dimitri frowns for a fleeting moment before shrugging, calling him boring, and departing. “I’ll come check on you every once in a while, then.”
The evening goes smoothly, almost so much so that Atticus feels on edge, expecting something to go wrong. At one point, the crowds shift just enough for him to see across to the space on the other side of the stage, where Moony and Jackson are seated. Moony snaps his head around the moment Atticus’s eyes land on him, all too aware of Atticus. Instead of his usual cold expression, however, there’s a glint of satisfaction in his eyes. The crowds shift once again and they lose sight of each other, but moments later a woman arrives from backstage with a glass of alcohol for Atticus. He thanks her, but she doesn’t engage and quickly disappears again- a simple servant of Moony’s.
The fresh drink prolongs his intoxication, and he’s leaning back in his seat, staring at the ceiling, when a familiar voice calls him back to reality. He turns to see Dakota leaning over the rope, trying to get his attention.
“Oh hey Dakota!” He sits up to face her better, but doesn’t stand.
“Hey Atti! Mind if I join ya? I don’t like yelling.”
“That’s ironic, seeing as screaming defines your music. I don’t mind you joining.”
Dakota ducks under the rope and casually takes a seat on the floor next to Atticus. “Thanks! Hey man, I hope you’re holding up okay, Eli told me what happened with Di last week and then we heard about Lenny, I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I can’t claim to have been best friends with him or anything, but thanks. I’m here, time marches on.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be sad, dude, you still made those memories with him towards the end, and I bet he thought just as fondly of you as you did him.”
“Right.” Atticus’s head is foggy and he changes subjects before his thoughts go the wrong direction, “You enjoying the party? Any of the others come?”
“Noah and Callum were here for a short time, but it’s a bit much for Callum, so they went home. I’m having a blast, though! Luckily Di came and danced with me after the boys left. I’m not sure where she ended up, but she mentioned you being a loner over here so I thought I’d come check on ya!” She smiles warmly at Atticus, much more genuine than he’s seen as of late. “Are you having a good time?”
“I’m having some kind of time, I suppose. It’s a good change of scenery from the radio station and I do enjoy live music.”
“But?”
“But nothing. That’s all. There are strings attached to me being here and I don’t have it in me to feel anything about it all.”
“Well that’s fucking depressing, you should get out soon and go see Sunny. I bet Eli and Anita would love to do something with you two again, they’ve gone and seen Sunny a couple of times this week.”
Atticus sucks in a breath as she brings up Sunny, reminding him of his interaction with George earlier in the week. “I’m glad he has them now.”
“It’s like you’re trying to be less human now that you’re just a voice in a box these days. I know I haven’t spent much time with you, Atti, but I know you’re more of a person than this.” Dakota stands up, getting uncomfortable and not wanting to overstay her welcome.
Atticus almost comments on Dimitri’s and Moony’s status but catches himself, “I’ll keep that in mind. It was good to see you, Dakota, thanks for checking in. Maybe I can come to one of your upcoming shows.”
“How about next week? Lenny streamed a couple of our shows, so I know the venue is capable of transmitting it.” She’s looking at him hopefully as she offers the invitation.
“Uh, yeah, let’s plan on it for now and I’ll see what I can do.” He agrees more to avoid arguing with her about it, but is hesitant on the idea. He knows the implications it could have and that it’s not unlikely Sunny will be there.
Dakota may as well be reading his mind, “Don’t be afraid of what Sunny will think, I’m sure he understands your situation. Think of it this way, you’re doing your job and if it happens to involve seeing people you care about, it’s just a pleasant coincidence.” She winks and dissolves back into the crowd.
Atticus sinks back into his seat, once again staring at the ceiling and mumbles to himself, with Dakota now gone, “I can guarantee he does not, in fact, understand my situation.”