12

High Tide//Ready or Not

I can see Atticus in his corner, staring at the ceiling and talking to no one. I’m sure he knows that Dakota is long gone, but that doesn’t help his case. Poor boy doesn’t even know the extent of his own situation. I’ll bother him in a bit.
“Your mother is dying of an infection, and you’re here enjoying yourself?” I blow the confession into a dancer’s ear as I flow through the stream of people, leaving them uncertain of where the thought came from and worse off for the night.
“You know that she’s cheating on you.” Another girl left with her head spinning in more ways than one.
“No amount of substance abuse will take away the image of your drowning son when you couldn’t afford to feed him and your addictions.” A young man soon finds himself on a balcony, staring down into the canal.
Another lap around the room and I find myself back in Eun-Min’s space, Jackson sitting beside him. Eun-Min is quick to comment on my return, “Are you satisfied? Several of those people left.”
“And even more took extra shots and got fully lost in the music. You can thank me if you’d like.”
“Not something I ever see myself enjoying, but I won’t deny the benefit of having you around.”
Jackson inserts himself into the conversation, “What did you do?”
“Simply reminded people why they’re here. I need to speak with Moony alone, Jackson, if you don’t mind leaving and letting the grown-ups talk.”
He huffs but doesn’t argue, going through the backstage door nearby and leaving his seat for me to claim.
“We have company tonight, you notice?”
“Indeed.” Eun-Min is relaxed in his seat, scanning the room instead of engaging me in the conversation. “I noticed him come around yesterday, making his rounds I presume.”
“You think he wants anything from us?”
“Of course he wants something from us, he always wants something. He’s easy to please, though. We all have the same objective, anyway.”
“You’re more worried about one of his counterparts coming around, aren’t you?” I’ve already been around the room and know neither of those gods are present, but I watch Eun-Min’s expression closely.
“Where he goes, one or the other often follows, and they tend to be far more problematic.” He turns to make eye contact with me, “Assuming you have no connection with him? I could understand if you do.”
“Suicide? I’ll say his name if you don’t. He’ll be around in about 20 minutes, I’m sure, but he won’t stay for long. Busy busy god, that one. And sure, I don’t consider his work disadvantageous to myself, but I can’t say I have any connections to him. It’s the other one that’s a pain in the ass. She’s too old and too hopeful, she’s never had to struggle like the rest of us.”
“I think it’s safe to say she’s struggled far more than the likes of us, but otherwise I agree. Can’t have her meddling with your project especially, can you?”
“Ugh, don’t even joke about that, Eun-Min. It won’t take much more anyway. He’s already doing it all to himself, but one or two more pushes and it should be game over.”
He chuckles at that before moving on, “Now, about our bet.”
I roll my eyes, “I really thought Atticus would’ve managed at least a bit of maturity with Jackson tonight, but boys will be boys or however that saying goes. Regardless, we both know Jackson won’t kill him.”
For the first time, Moony fully laughs, “You underestimate Jackson’s ego. Two weeks?” He reaches out his hand.
“And you underestimate how far a broken man will go.” I shake his hand confidently. “Now I suppose I’ll hold up my end of the bargain and go break the news to Atticus.”
I navigate through the crowd once again, unbothered and unnoticed, until I can slip under the rope and stand over Atticus. His arms are crossed and he’s leaned back with his eyes closed, but I can tell he’s not asleep, just far too comfortable. I look down on him until his eyelids flutter open and he startles, tipping over in his chair and barely missing any of the radio equipment. He releases a string of curses as he double checks the equipment and sets the chair back up, but instead of returning to it he stays standing to meet my gaze.
“Can I fucking help you?” He doesn’t look as amused as I feel.
“You can, actually! I know you’re so busy right now and couldn’t possibly have the time to listen to little ol’ me, though.” I intentionally bat my eyelashes and take his seat, leaning back and mimicking his previous pose.
“That shit doesn’t work on me, Di, I obviously don’t have a choice but to listen, though.”
Clearly I know it doesn’t work, but it irritates him so I like doing it. “You going to take a seat with me and listen?”
He raises an eyebrow and looks a bit incredulous, “You took the seat, I’ll stay standing. What’s up? What do you need?”
“Well, it’s more about what Moony needs. My end of our little bet tonight must be upheld and that involves convincing you to do another live show.”
“Is that not what I’m doing here? Yeah, obviously, whatever. He could’ve asked you anything and that’s what he chose?”
“No no no, you misunderstand. You need to do a live performance. He wants you to do a stand-up show here next weekend. Open for Jackson.” He almost seems interested until I mention Jackson, just as we feared.
“Oh. Not for him. I won’t do anything for that piece of shit. Give me another night, whatever, I’ll do it, but I’m not opening for Jackson.”
“Well, see, that’s the whole point. I don’t have a choice but to make you do this, either. Believe me, I know you’re content where you’re at right now and I wasn’t going to ask more of you just yet, but Moony wants what Moony wants.”
“Doesn’t he know I’m not a popular performer? I mean shit, nobody knew my name until I took over the station.”
I shrug, “He seems to think differently. Atti, the god of Entertainment himself wants you to open for the most influential performer in the city, you really can’t say no.”
“And what happens to your bargain if I do say no? You know, I quite like this new lifestyle of keeping a low profile.”
“I’ll do you one better, he said that if you do this for him, he can assure you that no harm will come to your family and you can visit them without fear.” He’s too easy, Eun-Min didn’t say any such thing.
His face lights up, disbelief and relief both flashing through his eyes, “You’re sure?”
“You have my word. On my name.” Swearing on my name is risky business but he doesn’t even know my true name yet, so I should be safe. However, that doesn’t stop the burning sensation in my chest as the oath is made.
“Alright, yeah, sure. Tell him I’ll do it, but don’t expect me to become friendly with Jackson.”
“Perfect! I’ll pass that message along, I knew I could count on you, Atti Boy. You better get to work on a set for next weekend.” I stand and pat his cheek, which he pulls away from and reclaims his seat. “The show should be over soon, I’ll be back to walk home with you.”
“Mhmm.” He’s already pulling out the notebook he keeps in his pack and flipping through it, clearly given new life. At the last moment as I duck under the rope, he exclaims, “Oh! Dakota asked me to stream her show this next week as well, by the way. Run it by Moony?”
“I’d love to!” I give him my best, warmest smile, and depart.
In truth, had he absolutely refused to do the show, Eun-Min was just going to make me do his servant’s work of restocking his pantry. Such trivial bullshit, and all I wanted from the bet was access to his chefs for a couple of days. Annoying, but at least Eun-Min doesn’t realize that this event, if it goes how I imagine, will benefit me more in the long run.
I traverse the room and relay the message to Eun-Min, “Obviously you never offered any protection, but if he asks, you know.”
“Right, of course. I have no desire nor need to do anything to his family anyway. Must be Jackson’s habits he’s so worried about.”
“I mean, he has good reason to assume the worst. I wouldn’t expect anything less from Jackson myself.”
“Naturally. The Glass Oceans show is fine, also. In fact, I somewhat enjoy those shows myself, maybe I’ll make an appearance as well.”
“Oh I’m sure he’ll love that, I bet his brother at least will be there, you’re going to make the poor boy short circuit.”
Once Jenny finishes her show and I reunite with Atticus, Eun-Min lets us slip backstage and use a more private exit to avoid the crowds, but he steps aside to speak to another familiar man. I blow him a kiss as Atticus and I pass by. I haven’t seen him in person in several decades, but he looks as good as ever. His brown skin is clear and glowing, and his beard is clean cut. His clothing is colorful and flowing, with a matching turban covering his head. He once told me that the reason he wears the traditional wedding attire is because weddings truly represent one’s expectance for a happy life and that weddings are where he’s always attained the most devotion, along with funerals of course.
“Who is that?” Atticus interrupts my thoughts.
“An old friend, but it doesn’t matter.” As we move along, he doesn’t ask again.
*****
The streets are quiet once everyone is passed out in the early hours. Atticus’ station is shuffling through random songs as he sleeps off the alcohol he consumed at Jenny’s show. That leaves me with the freedom to stroll the boardwalks on the low end. Century City is boring for me; most of those people are more comfortable than they deserve, whereas many of the low lives don’t deserve the filth they’re drowning in. I relish in that filth, however, and getting to see the worst in everyone. The evenings may be for Eun-Min, but the early hours, when everyone is waking up sober and coming to terms with having to survive another day? Those are for me.
Humans rely on me whether they know it or not, and most people never will recognize how much they love me. If it weren’t for the suffering, the desperation of those below them, those on top would have nothing. Of course, the lowlives always have some cliché statement about how they need the dark times to appreciate the light.
I know it’s not just in Seatac that this is the case, I have influence around the world, it’s just that I simply have no desire to go anywhere else, not with this place being so rife with suffering. I mean where else could I go to watch a man throw his son into a sewage canal and then gaslight a kid into-
Speaking of suffering. There’s a woman on the docks, choking on her own vomit, but she stops moving by the time I reach her. I can feel the desperation flowing out of her with her last breath as the absurd amount of drugs do their worst. Crouching down to inspect her, she’s not much younger than Atticus and has a needle -with probably a good six prior uses- still embedded in her arm. I pull it out and toss it into the canal, it’s finished its job. She never had the opportunity to distract herself with entertainment. No, she injected me into her veins every day instead, with the thought of knowing anything else, the thought of change even if for the better, probably being too overwhelming to bear anyway. It feels good, being so embedded in the lives of all these people, embedded like a needle under their skin.
I go through her pockets until I find half a pack of joints and, upon further inspection, decide they’ll meet Atti’s standards. One day I’ll tell him where all his smokes come from, but I fear his reaction won’t be as satisfying as if I told literally anyone else, but I guess that’s why he’s worth my time.
As I stand, the faintest hint of light begins to touch the sky in the east, filtering through the skyscrapers making up Century City, and I take my cue to continue moving through what was once a metropolis. In the farthest outskirts of the city, where there’s more water than buildings, the least fortunate residents of the city skitter through collapsing rooms like rats. They pray to whoever will listen that one of the buildings is safe enough to reside in for the next day or week. I’m listening, but I don’t think they want any more of my influence in their lives. They’ll be lucky if someone useful hears, let alone has the time or desire to do anything for them.
By now, I’m sure Jayesh has already moved on, which is unfortunate. I would have quite liked to catch up with him, but we have plenty of time in the future. I can only assume he came around because he noticed a shift in attention, be it towards or away from him I honestly can’t say. I’ll bother Eun-Min about it later, but as far as I know, he sleeps through a good portion of the day. Highly unnecessary, but I’m sure the daylight hours tend to be more boring for him and when you live as long as us, sometimes it’s necessary to kill time that way. Although I know he also tends to enjoy the trivial parts of humanity, having never had to experience them as a human.
I don’t think I’ve ever slept, at least not since I was human and it was necessary. I probably slept for a month that last time, achieving deification while comatose, as the people of my country made a martyr of me, but that’s what I get for being the sole survivor of that first wave of the virus. Sometimes I wonder how many other gods are like me, I used to think that it was most of them, but then I meet gods like Eun-Min, who never experienced life and merely manifested into the universe through the devotion of humankind. Anymore, I assume many of the gods are like him.
Early on in my life, Death herself tried to console me by saying that to become a god, you must first be human, but I think she was hoping that would have a more positive effect on me. I guess it did, in those first years, but now I only remember the wrongs that humans have committed. I can say she’s right, but not in the way she thinks. They don’t deserve my empathy. I am a god because of their love of my misery, so now their misery is what I live for. If Karma was still around, she would agree that she is, in fact, a bitch.
I’ll have to make sure Death doesn’t tell Atticus the same thing she told me, I’m afraid his connection to his family will make him more susceptible to her well-meaning ways. How she’s continued to maintain that toxic positivity after all those millennia, I’ll never understand.
The sun has breached the horizon, streaming through the canals and reflecting off of the water. Atti is greeting the city with the same false enthusiasm as usual, although today it feels as though there may be some amount of authenticity behind it.
I begin the trek back inland, still taking my time, as I’m sure Atti would appreciate me not being around a little longer, but boy do I love seeing the light leave his eyes when I enter the room. I know he doesn’t hate me, I’m all he has. Albeit that’s largely my fault, but that’s beside the point, he has no choice but to appreciate my company.
People are finally out and about now that the sun is up, but nobody takes any notice of me as I pass. Sometimes I wish they would notice me, however, I do love attention. After the monsoon and Lenny’s death, many of the people down here have at least acknowledged me in other ways; they’re grateful for what they have after seeing what others have lost. I suppose that’s the best I can ask for.
After a decent ascension of the sun into the sky and the approach of clouds from the sea, I finally make it back to Atti’s building and up to the radio station. It’s about mid-morning, my usual arrival time, but outside the studio door I pause at the muffled sounds of more than one voice. I listen closely, trying to figure out who could possibly be visiting the deadbeat who lives on the other side of the door.
Atticus is speaking, “-should’ve seen the look on George’s face. Man, that had to have been the best I’d ever scared him! Sienna was pissed though, I left the twins crying for probably an hour. Too bad Sunny was onto me from the start.”
The other person bursts out laughing, a genuine belly laugh, and I recognize Steve’s voice as he finds his words, “Those poor kids! Do you still have it, though?”
“The mask? No, Sunny tried to hide it but Sienna found it several days later and promptly threw it into the canal. I think she hunted for that thing every chance she got until she found it, absolutely hated it.”
“Damn! It must’ve taken you days to make, too.”
“Fuck, yeah it did, I’m still bummed about that, it was some of my best work. I collected molted chicken feathers for probably two weeks before I had enough to put that nasty thing together. Finding those creepy doll eyes was probably the worst part, too, I had to dip into some of my savings for those. But man if their reactions weren’t worth it.”
“And now it’s at the bottom of the ocean, huh?”
“I bet that thing has claimed its own territory down there. No fish go near it, I’m sure.”
I pull away from the door, having heard enough of him enjoying himself. Doesn’t he know this is what time I come to visit with him? Probably invited Steve up at this time on purpose, but I’m not jealous, I just don’t like not being in control and not being the center of attention. Rude. I have no desire to reveal myself to Steve, however, and I guess it’s good for Atticus to stay motivated one way or another.
I make my way down the hall to his room, I can wait for him to come get food in a couple of hours.
The hours pass and he doesn’t show up. Once again, rude, but there’s no point in waiting any longer, so I’ll go see if Eun-Min is available.
I find myself traveling through the city alone again, observing the lives of all the residents, but this time I end at the top floor of the highest building in Century City. The elevator door opens and I find myself being greeted by a middle-aged woman, bowing slightly and avoiding eye contact.
“Welcome in, ma’am, he’s been expecting you.”
“Thank you, Marie, you’re excused, we’ll need some privacy.” Eun-Min is seated at the bar across the sterile room, not even bothering to look at me.
I cross the suite and sit next to him as the servant replaces my space in the lift.
“I expected you later, get bored of your project?” He’s pushing food around on his plate, taking small bites here and there but not actually finishing any of it. The amount of food he wastes regularly could probably feed half the city, I’m honestly impressed.
“Apparently he’s too busy for me.”
He chuckles, “You disappointed? You can’t possibly enjoy being around him that frequently anyway. I need a break after twenty minutes with the kid.”
“He entertains me. That’s not what I’m here to discuss, though.”
“You’re here to ask about Jayesh, I’m aware.”
“And? How is he? What did he have to say?” I lean onto the bar counter and listen intently.
He seems smug as he begins to recount their conversation, “He’s pleased with what’s happening in this city. I am to pass on that he is impressed with your ability to influence the masses enough to keep them desperate for the likes and me and, more importantly, him. I guess you chose the right city to take up residence.”
I can’t help but show pride on my face. I am necessary for a balanced universe, after all.
Eun-Min continues, “He also congratulated me, of course, but I’m not so vain as you to go on about that.”
“Whatever, I just know my worth. Anything else come up?”
“If you’re asking about your project, he said that’s your own prerogative and it can only harm you, but if done right, can benefit us all. Which is the only reason I’m aiding you where I see fit. But once again, that could all change if his counterpart decides to step in.”
“Which I will make sure she can’t get through to him if she does decide to show up. He and I are the same, I know what it takes, don’t worry.” I’m a little worried, but Eun-Min doesn’t need to know that or he might stop helping. I change the subject, “Did he have anything to say about the rest of the world?”
He hesitates before responding and I can tell he’s studying me, but he answers anyway, “It’s all in a similar state. I’m sure you can tell that much, though. With so much land still uninhabitable, Jayesh says he hasn’t felt so weak since the last mass extinction, granted he’s still in top shape compared to so many of us, but it’s all relative. As long as there is life, people will never stop worshiping him. He said a few of the old gods still persist in small communities, but are basically bound to their regions. Disregarding the primordial gods, of course, they’ll always be an exception. However, more and more new gods like ourselves keep popping up all over the place, albeit most of them are regional as well. He told me about a man in the desert that became a god recently. He’s watching him closely, called him Solitude. I guess he wandered alone for years, traveling from town to town until he became a legend and then, well, a god. In other cities, gods have been manifested through the people’s worship of love, peace, greed, you name it. We’ve all found our places…”
We’ve all found our places. The statement rolls around in my head as I explore Century City for the evening after leaving, instead of going back to Atticus. I guess Eun-Min is right in a sense, but I wouldn’t say any of us actually chose our places, we’ve simply ended up where we fit in the most or stayed where we were conceived, for fear of losing what we are if we leave.