18

Heartless

“Wakey wakey, you useless motherfucker.” Dimitri jabs her foot into Atticus’ side. “You’re late, we were supposed to meet in the station an hour ago. You know, where you work? But apparently you couldn’t even get it together enough last night to make it home. Pathetic.”
Atticus groans as he wakes up and speaks through congested sinuses, “You would have been my first choice to take the fucking bullet.”
“Whatever, now get up and let’s get moving. You have work to do.”
Atticus pushes himself up slowly, leaving the blanket behind as he makes a point to shoulder Dimitri as he passes and heads down the hall. She scoffs but isn’t far behind.
They travel in silence until they get to the station, at which point Atticus finds his seat and glares at Dimitri as a sign to not say anything. He fiddles with the switches around him until everything is in order and he’s on air. “Mornin’ Seatac. What day is it? Oh! Sunday. Once considered god’s day, if I remember my history lessons correctly. I’d say that’s not too far off today. Anyway, my bad for the delay, I overslept, yesterday was a long day. To start off this new day, I’ve got a song by Mr. Mondo himself, so here’s ‘No End In Sight.’ But I guess there was an end in sight, wasn’t there?” He mutes his mic and turns on the music, taking his headset off so that he can’t hear it himself.
“How does it feel, Atticus? I’ve given you everything. You may as well run this city now! You should be thanking me, really, but instead you look like you’re trying to explode my head with your mind.” Dimitri is in her usual seat, feet up on the desk between the two of them.
“Unfortunately it’s not working, either.” He shoves her feet off the desk, causing her to lurch forward and have to catch herself from tipping out of the chair. “Now, the music is playing, I feel like shit, we’ve got plenty of time for you to either gaslight me into trusting you again or I leave and never come back.”
Atticus notices her nose wrinkle for a split second at the mention of him leaving but she quickly puts on a face of confidence, her chin up and a fake smile plastered on her lips. “As if, Atti Boy. You’re mine and wouldn’t leave even if you wanted to, which you don’t.”
“Mm, yeah, there’s that gaslighting. Try harder, because at this point I would love to never enter this building again. You find enjoyment in seeing others suffer, don’t you, Dimitri? Or should I say Despair? Or do you prefer Tragedy? No wonder nobody worships you, you’re the reason we’re all miserable.”
“And yet here you are.”
This time it’s Atticus’ turn to scrunch up his face.
“Mhmm, there it is. You can blame me all you want, but the truth of the matter is, you gave me this power. It’s easier to hate something once you recognize it for what it is, isn’t it? Except, now you have to also live with the recognition of who you are, what you’ve done. You’ve relied on the despair of others to feed your ambitions. How does that feel? Do you hate yourself as much as you hate me? Because you should.”
Atticus flicks his eyes around the room, avoiding hers, until they land on a nearby CD. He fumbles with the case until he can get it open and slide the disc into a nearby stereo to keep new music playing. Dimitri is chuckling at him when he finally speaks again, “I feel like most god pacts, or whatever you’d call this, should involve me actively sacrificing something to you in return for success, but I don’t feel like I gave you anything. I did this all to myself. I could sit in the throne of this city, but I feel like I’ve lost everything.”
She belts out in laughter for an uncomfortable amount of time and then responds, “You know, I was willing to take the blame for stealing your humanity, but you’re right, it was all you. I’m not the one who urged you to take Lenny’s mic at Jackson’s show a couple of weeks ago. I never told you to take over the station. It was all your doing. I just get all the reward.”
“Is that why I still feel like shit? Aren’t you supposed to feel great when you’re being worshiped? You and Moony always look like you just had the best meal of your life, but I feel like I’m dying every waking moment of my day.”
“As I said the other day, you’re my conduit. Everything that goes to you actually goes to me.”
“Then how come you’re not afraid of Eun-Min doing the same to you? You’ve been making bets, what if he does what you did to me?”
“Oh no, true gods can’t obtain power over each other. Think of yourself as more of a demi-god. People still see you as human, they don’t even realize that they’re worshiping you, just that there’s something about you that they idolize and deify. Sucks, doesn’t it? I’ve been there, but not for long, not after the world forgot about my nation completely and I no longer had the fortuity of being seen as human.”
Atticus’ eyes narrow as he picks apart what she’s saying and then interrupts, “Do you love the sound of your own voice?”
“I do, actually.” She’s been casually looking around the room but now looks back at Atticus and notices his facial expression. “I should not have explained that much, huh?” Dimitri, for the first time, actually looks worried.
“Probably not.”
She takes a breath and puffs out her chest, “It doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t do anything so rash as to put a target back on your family’s heads.”
At the mention of his family, Atticus’ simmering rage grows to a boil and he stands abruptly. He goes around the desk, where she’s standing from her seat as well, but doesn’t have time to defend herself before Atticus’ hand is on her throat, shoving her against the doorway. “Mark my words, Dimitri, you ever touch them again and I’ll spend a hundred lifetimes finding a way to kill you in the worst way possible. I’ll play your fucked up game long enough to make sure my family is safe, but you don’t have to be here to get what you want from me. Go suck Moony’s dick or something, we’re done here.”
She fumbles for the doorknob behind her until she can open the door and fall out of his grasp, into the hallway. “Didn’t think you could care so much, Apathy.”
Atticus slams the door between them and paces the room on his own, steam coming out of his ears.
Apathy.
Apathy.
Apathy…
He had figured that, but it hadn’t hit until he heard it from her. Is that all they see me as? Is that all I am? Atticus shakes his head as if dispelling the thoughts like water from his hair.
Once he feels sufficiently collected, Atticus takes a seat at the desk once again and digs through the nearest stack of discs in search of an album. Once he finds it, he puts on his headset and waits for the current song to end to unmute himself, “We’re back, everyone. I assume our mornings are going… well, going. Is the news out to you all that Mondo is dead? Is it my job to tell you this? If so, I’m here now to inform the residents of Seatac that our mob boss, Jackson Mondo, is dead. Shot at point blank last night by myself. That’s right, I killed him, because I guess you could say that I just don’t care. The biggest prank I’ve ever pulled, convincing you all that I’m someone I’m not. All I’m saying is, if someone comes looking for me, I’m Igor. Here’s ‘WHAT’S GOOD’ up next.”
Atticus leans back in his chair and digs a smoke out of his pocket, not caring to open a window or step outside before lighting it. He gets through three and a half cigarettes before giving up, throwing the remainder of the pack across the room, and resorting to staring at the ceiling.
After a while, Atticus realizes he’s still in the same clothes as the night before. There’s not much blood, but enough splattered on the sleeves for him to be uncomfortable. He announces more music to the city and heads down the hall to his room, where he peels off Sunny’s borrowed hoodie and tosses it in the garbage.
He can’t even pretend to have an appetite and attempt eating, so Atticus finds himself on the floor of his shower, the water temperature high enough to burn. He lets the water pour over him for a while, hoping it’ll melt away the last month of his life like candle wax and leave nothing behind.
His skin sufficiently red, he finally shuts the water off and finds the baggiest clothing he can, having decided that he’ll leave the building and travel downstream. He double checks the station before leaving and then heads down to the docks with his hood up to cast a shadow over his face.
Atticus doesn’t get far, the elevator stopping a couple of floors down so that Steve can enter. Atticus has his head down and arms crossed as he huddles in the corner of the lift, as if a lack of movement will prevent him from being noticed.
“Atti?” Steve’s eyebrows raise as he recognizes his friend, “I haven’t seen you in days and then heard you this morning, I was going to come up and check on you! Where are you-”
Atticus interrupts him, “Steve, I need to get out for a bit, don’t worry about me. And please, I’m not in the mood to talk about it.”
“Atticus, I won’t hold anything against you. I’m sure you’re going through a lot right now, but just know I’m around if you need anything. I’ll leave you be for now, but reach out soon, will ya?”
“I will. Thanks, Steve.” Atticus hits a button on the elevator and gets out on the next floor, taking the stairs the rest of the way down the building. Instead of flagging down a gondolier though, he turns down a side alley and walks the back streets of the city towards his home near the sea.
Atticus wanders the docks where there’s far fewer people than the primary canal. Most of the residents of the city avoid the alleys where Mondo’s grunts and the drug addicts like to hang around. However, it would be impossible for everyone to live in the city center, so there’s always common folk commuting these docks with their heads down and feet moving swiftly.
He travels in peace for half an hour until he stops at the sight of a woman being pushed around by a larger man. He starts to turn down another alleyway to avoid confrontation but can’t bring himself to keep moving when he hears a yelp come from the woman. Looking back in her direction, the man has her pinned against a wall.
“Hey! Lay off, asshole!” Atticus yells from about twenty feet away. “Nobody is paying you to do this shit anymore.”
Still holding the woman against the wall, the man glances over his shoulder to address the interruption, “Why don’t you mind your own business, kid? More like nobody to pay me NOT to do whatever I want.”
Scanning the area, Atticus quickly finds half a brick falling out of the wall nearest him and launches it as hard as he can towards the man. He aims for the head but manages to land the blow between the man’s shoulder blades instead.
He hollers out in pain, but the hit wasn’t enough to make him slip up. “You’re next if you don’t leave us be!”
Atticus sighs and takes several steps closer, “Listen, all of us down here are too poor to have anything worth your while, anyway, just leave her be.”
“You may not have anything worth my while, but a pretty lady like her, all alone out here…”
“Yeah man, well, most of us are fucking diseased too, so the most you’ll get out of her is an infection. Your dick might rot right off, I’ve seen it happen myself. You don’t want that, do you?”
The man snarls and gives her a dirty look, “That true? You gonna give me an infection?”
She glances at Atticus, who stares at her sternly from under his hood, and then she coughs on the man, making sure to land as much mucus on him as she can.
He groans and drops her before going up to Atticus and shoving him to the ground. Atticus lets it happen and watches from the ground as the man leaves, grumbling about needing a shower.
The woman quickly scrambles over to help Atticus up with tears in her eyes, “Thank you so much, I owe you my life.”
He brushes her off and gets up on his own, “Don’t worry about it.”
“I’m uh, not diseased though, you know.” She’s standing awkwardly a couple of feet away, unsure of herself.
“And I don’t doubt that, but it got him to leave, didn’t it? I’d suggest getting back to the main dock instead of hanging out back here. There’s probably a dozen more men like him lurking around.”
“And what about you? Would it be too much to ask for you to escort me back?”
“Yes, it would.” Atticus nods towards a nearby offshoot between buildings, “Turn down there and it’ll spit you out by the market, safest place for you to be.”
She seems somewhat off-put at the refusal. “Ok… thanks I guess. You know, something is familiar about you, have we met?”
Atticus looks at her more closely but keeps his facial expression neutral. He does recognize her, they practically grew up on the docks together and she recently took over her late father’s market, selling radio parts and other miscellaneous household necessities. He’s spent countless days talking to her. “No, I don’t think so.”
“No no, I swear I know you, I just can’t place it.” She stands there thinking for a moment and Atticus goes to leave her when she pipes up again, “It’s your voice! That’s it! You run the radio station! For some reason, I can’t remember your name though, I’m sorry.”
“Really, don’t worry about it, just get back to the market.” He brushes past her and continues walking west, leaving her behind.
After a while of traveling with no more issue, Atticus makes it to the Mattern house. He’s surprised to find it quiet and empty; Sienna must have taken the twins and George to the market. He quietly opens the door to Sunny’s bedroom and sees him curled up, asleep and recovering from his injuries. Atticus softly closes the door again and moves to the living room couch, where he throws himself into the cushions and tries to go to sleep.
It takes a while, but he finally finds himself in a restless fit of nightmares. Atticus sees images of people in the past and watches who he assumes to be himself lose people throughout different lifetimes.
He awakens abruptly to Sunny at the couch, nudging Atticus’ legs over enough to sit at the end with him. “Mom and the fam won’t be back for several more hours I don’t think. Sorry to wake you, but it didn’t seem like you were having a good time anyway, I could hear you moving around from my room.”
Atticus grumbles and shifts more so that Sunny has space, “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“No, I was already waking up.” He has fresh bandages on his face, although it’s still swollen and purple in places. “Anita and Eli came by this morning to check on me and we heard you on the radio, I’m assuming it’s true?”
“Yeah.”
“We still don’t hate you, by the way, I know you tend to assume that. Can’t say we love that you were willing to go that far, but I think I understand.”
Atticus manages to chuckle, “Don’t worry dude, I’m way past that being what I’m worried about.”
“Alright chill. That said, I still have what could be bad news for you.”
Atticus shakes his head and laughs again, “Lay it on me, things can’t get much worse.”
“Atticus, we’re leaving Seatac.”
“Huh?” Atticus still manages to look surprised but his voice remains monotone. “How? And where are you going?”
“Eli’s dad passed. Remember, he was sick? And Anita says she’s learned all she can from here, so they’re planning on going back to the city Anita is from, up north in Calgary. Eli’s mom doesn’t wanna be in this city anymore and with everything that’s happened lately, they offered for us to tag along. You’re invited, obviously, but I already told them you’d say no.”
“I- yeah, definitely not yet.” He drums his fingers on the couch for a moment as he thinks. “I think this is for the best, actually. I need to finish what I’ve started and I’ll feel better if I don’t have to worry about you all being targeted by Dimitri’s tantrums.”
“I knew that would be your answer, I still feel bad for leaving you here to deal with this on your own, though.”
“No, don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out. What’s your plan? Traveling that far can’t be easy for you without some kind of transportation.”
“Right. Well, Anita said that she was able to hitch a ride in a bus most of her way here. Luckily most vehicles were electric by the time oil drilling became obsolete, so people who have managed to find salvageable vehicles have also found ways to charge them in renewable ways. It’s expensive though, she said we’ll probably have to find other methods of travel as well.”
“I’ll get you all money, Moony throws that shit around like it’s endless and Jackson probably kept a bunch just to withhold it from us lowlives out of spite.”
“Anita made it sound like the currency isn’t the same everywhere and can’t be converted in any way.”
“Then just take enough to get as far out of this fucking city as you can and bring stuff to trade, I’m sure some of my shit in the station is worth something. Let me do this for you all, at the very least. Tell Eli to come by the station sometime in the next couple of days before you leave and I’ll give them as much as I can.”
“Okay, I’ll pass that along, he and Anita will probably be around tomorrow. We’re trying to leave by the end of the week.”
“Good, thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m leaving you behind. You have any idea what’s next?”
“Nothing good, I’m sure. I think the only way for me to sever my ties with Dimitri is to die, so…”
“WOAH! Fuck, Atticus! I’ll find a way to stay behind if it’s that bad, don’t say that shit!”
“Oh shit, my bad, I guess I can explain.” Atticus sits up on the couch a bit more so that it’s easier to converse. “Please don’t tell this to George or Mom until after you guys have left, if you feel the need to explain at all, although I think there’s a chance they forget about me altogether.”
Sunny gets a concerned look on his face, “Forget about you…?”
Atticus hangs his head and takes a deep breath, “It sounds so ridiculous, but after recent events -particularly last night when I practically put the nail in the coffin- I’m basically the same as Dimitri. The city idolizes me too much and I made the mistake of giving up most of my humanity, so now I get to suffer something far worse than death; living as a god. Death visited me last night but there was nothing in me for her to take, she was just there to give me some semblance of hope. Told me about meeting you, too.”
“Oh. I… don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything. Believe me, I don’t fully understand it either.”
“What does that mean in terms of your contract with Dimitri then? And who is she?”
“She’s a bitch, is what she is, but in reality she oversees tragedy and despair. Keeps people miserable so that they’re easier to manipulate. Or in my case, manipulates me into using the despair of others to gain success for the both of us, but mostly her. And in terms of her contract, I’d rather not explain. Don’t worry about it. Once again, I’ll figure it out.”
“Then what are you?”
“Turns out I’m the bad joke. No, it turns out the entire city sees me as nothing but a personification of indifference, so not only am I a bad joke, I’m an insensitive one as well.”
“That’s not-”
“Doesn’t matter, Sunny, what’s done is done.” He slumps back down into the couch cushions, “Now, if you don’t mind, this may be the last time I get to sleep somewhat comfortably, so I’m going to take advantage of the opportunity until everyone gets home. Stay here?”
“I’ve got nowhere else to be.”
Atticus slips back into the same nightmares as before, but they eventually fade away and he’s able to sleep for a couple of hours.
He awakens slowly to the sounds of soft talking in the room with him. Atticus keeps his eyes closed for a few minutes, listening. Sienna, George, and Sunny are discussing their upcoming departure, Sunny detailing what he and Atticus had agreed on, leaving out the other details.
“You’re sure there’s no convincing him to come?” Sienna’s voice trembles with worry.
“No, Mom, you know how he is.” Sunny responds.
“Stubborn, as always, you can thank my dad for that.” Atticus lets them know he’s awake with the comment.
“Oh shi-” Sienna catches herself, “Sorry, I’m glad you came home, dear. Get any sleep? Or were you listening to everything…?”
“No, I slept.” He pushes himself up and rubs his eyes. “I’ll be okay Mom, I promise. I’ll take care of things here and then follow you all north in a few weeks, hopefully no more than a month behind.”
Sienna is on the verge of tears, but keeps it together. “Can you stay for dinner with us, at least? I have a feeling you won’t be coming around again before we leave.”
Atticus almost declines out of habit, but a glance at Sunny and George changes his mind, “Yeah, of course.”
The family proceeds to prepare a meal together and Atticus does his best to pretend that nothing has changed and this dinner is just like every other meal he’s shared with the family throughout his life. Despite not feeling hungry, he manages to pick at the rice and produce placed in front of him.
He makes jokes with the twins, but knows deep down that it’s unlikely they’ll remember him, since they’re the youngest. They have bigger things to worry about going forward than differentiating between older brother Atticus and god Atticus. George watches suspiciously, and clearly upset, but never brings it up; he’ll understand eventually. Sienna and Sunny both do the same as Atticus, though, and treat this like every other family dinner.
After a time, Atticus hugs everyone and says his goodbyes. The sun is sinking towards the sea, crossing through the space between the waves and the heavy layer of clouds that have rolled into the city. He makes the excuse of needing to get back to the station before the rain starts coming down too hard, and Sunny walks out with him. Atticus hugs him again, tightly, and Sunny is crying, but Atticus promises that this isn’t really goodbye.
Once Sunny returns inside, Atticus turns the opposite direction than the station, heading directly towards the ocean. He walks the docks until they end and he can see as much of the open ocean as possible without a boat. There’s crumbling infrastructure around him, but he can also see fish gliding near the water’s surface and it’s peaceful despite the sounds of rain beginning to patter around him and the water splashing against the wood and debris.
He finds a place to sit at the edge of the dock, takes his shoes off, rolls up his pants, and lets his feet splash into the cold water. After sitting in silence for a moment, he speaks out loud, “This feels weird. I have no reason to be sure of your existence, but I am. I mean, why wouldn’t the ocean be its own god? Anyway, I could use your help. I think we’re quite similar, so I know you don’t care what does or doesn’t happen to me, but that should also mean I don’t affect you in a way that matters if you do help me.” Atticus pauses to belt out a laugh and lay back onto the splintering wood beneath him, “Maybe I’ve really lost it, I’m truly delusional, talking to the sea. Guess you could say I’m pretty desperate.”
Several minutes pass, the rain picking up and the sun being swallowed by the sea. Atticus continues to lay on the dock with his eyes closed, letting the rain mix with the tears as they stream down his cheeks.
Finally, he continues speaking, in hopes that the sea will listen, “I’ll give you what’s left of me. Take it so that I can be free of the despair that ties me down.”
“And if there’s so little left of you, what is it you would give me?” The voice comes with a swelling of the water around his feet. It’s both cold and welcoming.
Atticus startles, quickly pushing himself up into a seated position. His eyes meet those of a large woman, pale skin and matching gray hair, but eerily beautiful. Her arms are resting on the dock next to him as her own dark eyes return the gaze. He laughs at the sight of a heavy tail, like that of a shark, extending behind her.
“I’m sorry, I think it’s actually harder to take this whole situation seriously when you look like that. A mermaid? For real?”
She grins, and her teeth are sharp, “I thought you’d like it, but if you’d prefer, I can drag you to the bottom of the ocean and you can see my true form hidden in the expanse of an unforgiving darkness.”
“I think I’ll pass, but thanks.”
“Thought so. Anyway, if you want my help so badly, Mister I Don’t Care, what is it you’ll give me? I’m sure it’s nothing that’ll actually do me any good.”
“No, you’re right, but I don’t think there’s anything you would actually need or want, is there? Can’t you just like, figuratively take the last of my humanity? It’s not like Dimitri has physically taken anything from me.”
She rolls her eyes and rests her chin in her hand, “So unimaginative. Give me your heart, that’s simple enough. The heart is what everyone seems to associate with being human anyway. Easiest too, I don’t like having to keep up with these sorts of things.”
“Huh? I can’t just rip my heart out, it doesn’t work like that.”
“I’ll do that part, don’t worry. Are you sure about this? It could have later implications. It’ll tie you to me for the rest of your life, which could be an awfully long time in your situation. Unless of course I decide to end it. What if I decide I want to take advantage of having your heart? I could make you do my bidding! It’ll be just another contract, except it’s much harder to break a contract with a Primordial, like myself. However, once the rest of you dies, Despair will have nothing to bind to and you’ll be free of her.” She hardly takes a breath as she speaks.
Atticus blinks a couple of times as he absorbs her rambling before responding, “You may be unpredictable, but I don’t believe you hold an ounce of malice within you.”
“Ah, maybe we are similar. You know, they only call us apathetic because they couldn’t comprehend the strength it takes to be gentle despite it all. Anyway, if that’s what you really want, I’ll add your heart to my collection.”
“It’s yours.”
She chuckles, “So be it.”
Lifting her head from her hand, she reaches towards Atticus and grabs the collar of his shirt, yanking him into the water.
He sinks rapidly. The darkness and the cold water feel comforting in a way he didn’t anticipate. He can tell the mermaid is gone, but he’s not alone as the ocean envelopes him. As if the swirling currents are a hand, he feels the saltwater rush through his chest cavity and wrap around his heart. The whole process only takes a few seconds, but it feels like a lifetime embraced by the sea.
Finally, a swell of water spits Atticus out of the ocean and back onto the docks. The surface stays choppy for a moment but quickly settles. The sky is a dark gray and no stars are visible behind the blanket of clouds that spit on him as Atticus is splayed out on the dock, soaking wet. He coughs up a lungful of salty water.
“How do you feel?” The mermaid has returned, her voice somehow both curious and uninterested.
Atticus, still on his back, reaches his fingers to his neck to check for a pulse but finds nothing. “No different, I guess.”
“Great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll be off. Since you won’t come to the bottom of the ocean with me yourself, I’ll be taking this down there instead so you still get to experience it.”
Atticus finally rolls over and pushes himself up to look over at her. The mermaid is holding a grotesque, pulsating mass in her hands. “Ew, is that really what it looks like? I thought it’d at least be bloodier.”
“Gross, right? No blood though, you’ve got saltwater pulsing through your veins now, Atticus.”
He pushes his wet hair back from his eyes and stares at her for a moment. “Well, okay. Thanks… Ocean…”
“Oh! You can call me Roa if you like, although there’s hundreds of other names out there for me. Except maybe don’t call me too often, it gets annoying and I have an entire ocean to manage already. Good luck with the rest of your god transformation, I bet it’ll suck sea urchins!” She gives him a wink and disappears into the darkness of the sea.
A shiver runs through Atticus’s body as the hollowness in his chest suddenly grows icy cold. He doesn’t sit there for long, however, as the rain goes from a sprinkle to a steady downpour. He finds his feet and promptly begins the long trek back inland to his building.
Atticus takes the time to reflect on the progression of events and then snaps back to reality when he remembers that he’s left the station empty all day. He’s going to have to deal with a pissed off Dimitri and possibly an irritated Moony because of that. He doesn’t pick up his pace at all, but does decide to flag down the first gondolier he sees to expedite his return. Atticus brushes off any attempt at small talk that the gondo makes as they travel and pays in wet cash with a meager apology before hopping out and running upstairs with a trail of water droplets following him.
Atticus goes to his room first and changes, more to prevent water damage on the radio equipment than for his own comfort. At last, he’s back in the familiar radio station to give a late night commentary.
“Gooood evening everyone, apologies for not being around all day today, I had better things to do. I’m sure plenty of you are already off to bed for the night. As far as I know, there’s no events going on tonight and we all have work to do tomorrow. I say we get another show planned though, what do you all think?” He pauses for effect. “No response, this is what I get for being all alone up here, but no matter, I know what you all would say anyway. I bet Ms. Jenny Holland plays by the end of the week, because we all know she is far better than Mondo ever was. That said, rest easy knowing our actual favorite performer will be taking the city by storm in the coming weeks. She’s soulful, she’s got a big heart -unlike some of us- and a big voice, here’s some music by Jenny to help you unwind for the evening. You’ll hear from me again in the morning.”
Once muted, Atticus leans back in his chair, leaving his headset on to listen to the music for a while. He doesn’t feel capable of sleeping any time soon, so he’s content to be consumed by music all night. It works to distract him for a while, but as the night goes on and he cycles through half a dozen different albums, the weight of his situation gradually grows heavier on his mind.