19

Face in the Crowd

Gray light filters through the window before Atticus has ever left the radio station. It’s still raining steadily, but he has the window open in an attempt to make the room feel less like a prison. The days are starting to get shorter and he’s almost late to greeting the city purely because he’s been waiting for the sun to rise. Atticus keeps the announcement brief and paces the room for the hundredth time. His headset is off, but during the night he found an extra speaker to play the music aloud so that he could wander the room without getting tangled in his own cords.
Replaying the plans in his head once again, Atticus’ thoughts are interrupted when static cuts his music short. He crouches by one of the transmitters and is about to try to fix it when a familiar voice comes through, albeit not one he’s heard this way before.
“Atticus, I assume you’re listening?” Moony speaks in his usual condescending tone.
Atticus freezes before he can tamper with anything on the machine, “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Great. Did you intend to make plans with me in regards to Ms. Holland doing a show this week or did you just expect us to make it happen for you?”
“We’re making plans right now, aren’t we?” He says it very matter-of-factly and is smug knowing exactly what face of discontent that Moony is making.
“Charming. Don’t make a habit of this, I’ll only let this one slide because I know this show is necessary. Friday night at the Moonlight Serenade and you’re opening. I’ll make sure everything is in order for you to stream it as well.”
“See, I knew I wouldn’t have to do any of the planning, you’re always on top of these things. Thanks, Moony! One problem though, I’m not opening, no negotiations.”
“Don’t patronize me, boy. You’re a fool if you think you can suddenly do whatever you want and everything will go your way.”
“Blah blah blah. Actually, nothing has gone my way and you have nothing to hold over me, so I don’t have to do shit for you. Tell you what, I’ll announce for Jenny, but find someone else to open. Besides, all of my opening performances result in death, you don’t want me shooting Jenny too, do you? And I actually like her! Not a risk we should take, statistically.”
Moony’s grumbles are audible through the radio waves before he responds, “Whatever, forcing a performance never ends well anyway, but you’re still streaming the show.”
“Of course. Now if we’re done planning, I have shit to do.” Atticus stands and moves to the desk.
Static plays for a moment before the music returns as Moony disconnects. Once the current song finishes, Atticus unmutes his microphone and relays the news to the city.
*****
The same gray light filters through the windows of the Water Hole several hours later, where Atticus finds himself alone, staring up at the familiar masks that watch over the stage.
After a while Steve comes in, but he jumps when Atticus shifts in his seat. “Atticus! You scared the shit outta me, the fuck are you doing in here?”
“Didn’t wanna bother you at your place, figured you’d show up here eventually. Besides, those guys up there tend to give good advice, so I enjoy their company.” He nods up towards the masks; one crying and one laughing, “They really understand the duality of man, ya know?”
“Anyone ever called you unsettling before?”
“No, they usually call me Atti.” He finally takes his eyes off the masks again to grin at Steve. “You know what though, Lenny actually called me strange in the same way once.”
“Yeah, somehow Lenny was the only other sane man I knew in this city, even if he was also the most eccentric person I knew.” Steve crosses the room and takes a seat next to Atticus, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. They sit in silence- a moment of respect for their late friend. Steve offers the cigarette to Atticus, but he shakes his head to decline. Surprised, Steve breaks the silence, “Never thought I’d see the day you refuse a smoke. When did you start caring about your health?”
Atticus chuckles, “Ah, well, I guess the buzz wore off.”
“Interesting.” He continues smoking on his own before continuing, “So what actually brings you down here? Can’t just be for those creepy ass masks. You holding up okay?”
“Yeah, Steve, and I appreciate your concern. It’s nice to know you don’t see me as a monster now. Can’t say I feel good about anything that’s happened in recent weeks, but I can’t take any of it back now, so we persist.”
“I’ve never understood how you can be so good at acting nonchalant about this shit. I thought you were ballsy to begin with, now I just think you’re reckless.”
“Thought I didn’t have anything to lose, Steve, it turns out I did.”
Steve goes to put a hand on his shoulder, but Atticus shrugs out from under it, turning in his seat to face Steve better.
“Anyway! The reason I’m here is because I have a proposition for you.”
Steve raises his eyebrows and takes several more drags of his cigarette. “Last time you came to me with a proposition, you got the ball rolling on this whole shit show. Not sure I wanna be dragged into this anymore, kid.”
“I know I know, and I’ll carry that with me, but this time I have an actual plan to maybe possibly put things back together. Then, Steve, I’ll leave this city and never give you cause for worry again.”
“Leave the city? Where to?”
“Anywhere.”
Steve blinks, unsure of how to respond, and then moves on with the conversation, “What is it you need from me, then? I’m not agreeing yet, but I’ll hear you out.”
“Steve, I want you to take over the station.” Atticus watches as Steve opens his mouth to decline, but quickly continues before he can say anything, “But don’t worry! Not just you!”
Steve nods for him to continue.
“I only want you to manage it because I trust you and I know you’ll take care of everything for the sake of Lenny. What I really want is to make the station open to the public. Teach people how to use the equipment and run it on their own, make it a community thing. I think it’ll be good for the city, bring them together or whatever. Then, of course, that’ll make it easier for me to disappear.”
Steve stays quiet, thinking.
“I know it’s a lot, especially since you’ve already got this venue that you’re running, but I’ll help you until I leave. I think the Water Hole is a great way for you to get the news out and find people that are interested, too. Steve, I can’t leave until I finish this, I need your help.”
He finishes his cigarette and snuffs out the roach on the floor, “I want to help you, Atti, ‘cause for some reason you’ve grown on me, but I also almost don’t wanna help ‘cause I’m not sure I wanna see you leave. However, if you really think it’s for the best, I do like the idea…”
“Yes! Steve! I knew I could count on you!” Atticus grins and nearly jumps out of his seat in excitement.
“Damn, kid, didn’t realize you could show so much enthusiasm. I hope you’ve got more of a plan though, walk me through it.”
Atticus settles into his seat again and proceeds to give Steve a run-down on everything he’s come up with in his waking hours. Steve listens and nods and gives input where needed until they’ve put together a plan for the coming weeks.
They’ve moved on in the conversation and are chatting more casually when they’re both surprised to be interrupted an hour later.
“Atti! There you are!” Eli is poking his head into the room, “Glad you’ve got a loud mouth or I would’ve never found you in this building.”
“Eli! Look who’s fucking talking, we all know why the band has you in the back on drums.” Atticus is smiling and gets up to meet Eli halfway into the room.
“Yeah, you just can’t comprehend the power I would hold if I had a microphone. You think Dakota can scream? You should hear me.”
“Not sure I’d want to, honestly.”
“Exactly. Anyway, Sunny told me to come see you this week, is this a good time?” He glances at Steve, who is still seated in front of the stage.
“Yep, we’re just hanging out now, wanna come back up to the station with me?” Atticus turns back to Steve, “You wanna come up as well, Steve?”
Steve waves his hand through the air, brushing off the invite, “You two go on, I’m gonna start taking care of things down here and then I’ll come see ya this evening.”
“Gotcha, see you later then.” Atticus turns to lead Eli up to the radio station.
“You and Steve up to something?” Eli asks once they enter the elevator, which shudders as it ascends.
“He’s taking over for me, so I can follow you all out of the city in a couple of weeks, ideally.”
“Oh! Atti, that’s great to hear! When Sunny said you were refusing to come with us, Anita and I were worried you had other plans…”
“You don’t have to say it, I’m fine, I just need to clean up my mess before leaving.” They arrive at the station and Atticus crosses to his desk, where he starts to dig through drawers, pulling out wads of wrinkled cash.
Eli’s eyes are wide at the amount of money on the desk.
“It’s fucking ridiculous, isn’t it? Moo- Jackson threw this shit at me thinking it would keep me wrapped around his finger, as if I could ever make use of a fraction of this. Makes me wonder how much he circulated among his asshole goons just to bully the lowlives into submission. ‘Keeping the peace’ my ass. Anyway, it’s all yours. Just, you know, make sure you and Anita and our families get out of this shithole safely.” Atticus grabs a small backpack from next to the desk and slides all of the money into it.
Eli almost doesn’t respond, but finally utters a ‘damn.’
Atticus chuckles, “I’m sayin’. So what’s the band gonna do without their drummer?” He keeps moving around the room, grabbing miscellaneous CDs and small equipment that could be traded and adding them to the bag.
Eli snaps out of the awe to answer, “They’re looking for a replacement. We’re all bummed to split up, but y’know, sometimes you’ve gotta move on. I would never make my mom or Anita stay here just so I can keep hitting things with sticks, I’ll find people in Calgary again.”
Atticus stops moving to look directly at Eli, “Right. I’m sorry to hear about your dad, by the way, I completely forgot he was sick.”
“Don’t worry about it, man, we’ve all been dealing with shit, but thanks.” His eyes droop for a moment, the grief showing through, but Eli keeps the conversation moving. “Hey, is there anything we can do to repay you? This is a lot and we already hate to be leaving you behind.”
“I don’t think so, I just want you all to get out of here safely.” He pauses, thinking. “Actually, do you and Anita have plans for your boat?”
“No…” Eli narrows his eyes at him, “But if you’re thinking you can sail that thing up the coast, don’t. It’s not built for choppy waters, let alone open sea sailing. In fact, are you planning on traveling alone? Maybe I could stay back and travel with you.”
“No, no, stay with everyone. They’ll need a big strong man like you. I’ll be fine on my own, believe me.” Atticus smirks; Eli is noticeably shorter than both Atticus and Sunny.
Eli looks unamused by the comment, “Whatever, you still didn’t explain the boat.”
“I’ll just use it while I’m here, mostly, to uh… take care of my shit.”
“Mkay, well I’ll leave it at Sunny’s place and if you never show up, I’ll assume you didn’t listen and died at sea.”
“Close enough to the truth.”
Eli opens his mouth to question that comment and decides against it.
“Yeah don’t bother, you’d just be more confused.” Atticus moves around his desk again to mess with the transmitter and change the music. “I should probably get on air soon, I’ve been neglecting this shit again today. You’re welcome to hang out in here if you want, though.”
“No worries, I should probably get back to everyone so we can finish getting ready to leave. You sure there’s nothing else we can do for you?”
“One more thing, actually,” Atticus goes to the corner of the room, where several extra radios and transmitters are stacked, and digs out the smallest radio he can find. He also proceeds to rip a page from his notebook and scribble a note onto it, folding the paper and handing it to Eli with the radio. “Give these to Sunny, would you?”
“Radio isn’t gonna work once we leave the city, you know.”
“I’m aware, just pass it on, Sunny will understand.”
Eli shrugs and organizes everything in the backpack, shouldering it before turning back to Atticus. “Stay alive, please, and don’t take too long following us. I know we haven’t been friends for long, but for some reason your shitty personality has grown on me.”
“You’re the second person that’s said that to me today, but don’t flatter me, Eli, save that for Anita. I’ll see you again, just try not to forget me.”
“Hard to forget a face as ugly as yours, don’t worry.”
Atticus chuckles and they finish saying goodbye, Eli leaving the room as Atticus finds his seat. He unmutes to announce more music, but keeps his time short.
Later in the day, Steve joins Atticus in the station, where their roles are reversed compared to the last time the station went through a management change. Atticus begins to teach Steve everything he’s learned about using the equipment and notices a level of excitement from Steve. It’s clear that Steve has always been interested in properly learning these skills and being able to share his own love for music. Atticus also attempts to explain the organization of the albums in the room; it’s messy, but during his time there Atticus had managed to figure out how each stack is separated by genre and era. They’re at it for several hours before Steve turns in for the night.
The room grows dim once again as the invisible sun sets somewhere behind the rain clouds. Atticus says goodnight to the city and goes down the hall, passing his room and instead finding the fire escape, where he goes outside to sit on the steps in the rain.
He breathes a sigh of relief; not for the sake of being left alone again, but because he finally feels like things just might work out. It’s a shame it took all of this shit happening for me to finally stop taking everyone for granted. At least Dimitri took the hint and hasn’t come around today.
*****
The week went by surprisingly smoothly as Atticus and Steve worked together to prepare the station and the Water Hole. Steve even managed to recruit a few city residents to learn how to work the equipment already. Two young women and a man, all inconceivably passionate about the music and Lenny’s collection.
After a week of peace, however, it’s only natural that Dimitri would come around the day of Jenny’s party. Steve is doing his own work for the day and Atticus is on his own in the station for the afternoon, getting ready to head inland when Dimitri throws the door open.
Atticus is in the same suit that Dimitri brought him several weeks before. He casually looks up from what he’s doing at his desk when she enters, “Damn, look what the storm blew in. Long time no see, Di. What’s up?”
“I liked you better when you were desperate and miserable. Why are you being amiable?”
“Aw, can I not just be friendly to someone out of the goodness of my heart?”
“No, because that’s not who you are.”
“Well I’m also not a cold-blooded leech, like some.” He slides a couple of things into his pack and shoulders it, heading for the door. “Now, can I help you or did you just come to be petty? I have places to be, and they happen to benefit you as well, so I’d suggest not holding me up too much.”
She rolls her eyes and scoffs, “There it is. I’m coming along, obviously, and seeing as you still belong to me, I’d like to make sure you don’t fuck me over tonight somehow.”
“You say that as if my actions last week didn’t get you exactly what you wanted.” He doesn’t hesitate in walking past her and through the door.
“That doesn’t mean I can’t tell that you’re up to something.” She turns on her heels and follows him out.
“Oh yeah? And what’s that? Not like I’m being sneaky, so if you’re clueless it’s because you are also up to something. Or are you just too busy looking at yourself in the mirror and throwing a pity party now that you’re unwelcome here?”
“I’ll have you know that I actually have duties to attend to on a regular basis. Also, Eun-Min tolerates my company enough for me to be spending time with him in a much more luxurious space than this moldy building.” She has her nose turned up in defiance.
“He ‘tolerates’ you, that’s the key word. And if I remember correctly, he lost your little bet and has to entertain your whims for a bit.”
Dimitri scowls and they descend the building in silence.
They arrive at the Centurion, having avoided any more discourse, and find the streets to be busy with far more people than usual. Atticus thinks back to the grunt who was attacking the woman earlier in the week and can’t help but wonder if these people actually feel safer coming out to the show or if Jenny is just liked that much more to be worth the risk. His curiosity is cut short, however, when he recognizes the body of one of Jackson’s main guards; the large, bald man is strung up on the wall above the main entrance to the Centurion.
“Told you I’ve stayed busy.” Dimitri bumps Atticus as she passes him, this time being the one to lead the way into the building as he stares, mouth agape.
Atticus closes his mouth and quickly follows behind her. “Didn’t think you actually did the dirty work.”
“No, but the people of this city love to see those they hate in despair, and Jenny has surprised me in her willingness to protect her audience.”
Atticus doesn’t respond, shrugging instead as they head inside. Nobody stops them or seems to recognize Atticus, despite the amount of people around them.
The crowds only get bigger as Atticus and Dimitri move up the building to the concert hall, and there’s still an hour until any music starts. Once inside the Moonlight Serenade itself, Atticus notices that the room looks almost nothing like it did a week ago. Jackson always had it decorated in red and black, with old art on the walls, and kept it classy and clean. Now, Jenny has the place adorned in purple, with flowing curtains on the walls and soft lights that cycle through cool colors. It’s not as organized, but it feels much more welcoming and comforting, much like Jenny herself, who is seated at the bar and chatting with partiers that are brave enough to encroach on her personal space.
Jenny wears a deep purple, flowing dress that matches the room. She gives Atticus and Dimitri a warm smile when she notices them approaching. “Atti! Glad to see you cleaned up for the occasion this week! I hope it’s because you don’t intend to make a mess of yourself?”
“Me? Make a mess of things? Not possible.” Atticus returns the smile and slides past the people around her to steal the nearest bar stool. “You look lovely, as always, but I hate to think what you looked like after stringing up the guy out front.”
She laughs and signals for the bartender to get them all a round of drinks. “You know I don’t have it in me to do all that myself. I know it seems brutish, but I figured you of all people would understand that sometimes it’s necessary to make those calls. He was caught assaulting some women in town, so I made a message out of him. I’m simply cleaning up the mess that Jackson left this city in.”
“I’m not judging you, Jenny, it just surprised me to hear that you’re able to go to such lengths. I respect it, really, but I sure hope you’re not working with Dimitri? She tends to have alternative intentions.” Atticus side-eyes Dimitri as she seats herself on the opposite side of him.
Jenny laughs again, louder this time. “No, dear, I’m smarter than that, but I will admit it’s nice to have another woman around up here to give input on things.”
“And you’ll take advice from the literal manifestation of misery?”
“Well, if the right people are miserable, I can’t deny the benefits of having her around.”
“Whatever.” Upon receiving his glass, Atticus raises it in a cheers, but exclusively makes eye contact with Dimitri, “To making the right people miserable.”
Dimitri glares as the three of them clink their glasses together and then mutters something about finding Eun-Min before downing her glass and disappearing into the crowd. Atticus and Jenny chat for a few more minutes, enjoying their drinks, and then both agree that they have work to do before the show starts and they go their separate ways.
In his corner by the stage, Atticus’ equipment is already set up, but he gets to shifting things the way he likes. It doesn’t take long for Moony to find him, and Atticus is ready for him when the god approaches.
“Good evening, Moony, and before you ask, yes, I was about to come find you in case you didn’t come find me first, but I needed to make sure my shit was in order.”
Moony rolls his eyes but he looks less annoyed than usual. “I’m sure that’s true, I’m not concerned. Show starts in 15, you’re still prepared to announce, right?”
“Yessir. Anything in particular I should say?”
“Jermaine is opening, so introduce him first. Otherwise, now’s the time to tell the city that Jenny has taken over as mob boss, in case they hadn’t figured that out already.”
“Of course, it’s definitely not you or Dimitri that’s in charge, right?”
He gives Atticus a tired look, knowing he doesn’t need to say anything.
Atticus chuckles, “Thought so, but you know, what would happen if I, say, introduced Di to the city?”
“I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain this to you by now, but if the whole city recognized her, she would lose all of her influence here. Her name would give them the power to call on her if they feel the need, but more likely they would just not see her as a god. The same reason you’re avoiding announcing your name lately and staying out of public view as much as possible.” He pauses to see Atticus purse his lips with that comment, “Oh, you think I didn’t notice? Dimitri may be too busy with Ms. Holland to have noticed, but believe me, she’ll figure it out soon enough. If you were planning on doing that to her tonight, I strongly suggest against it. She’ll still be a god for the rest of the world and it’ll only piss her off. You know better than anyone, a cornered animal will lash out carelessly. You really want to pull her attention away from her current pastime?”
Atticus narrows his eyes, listening intently through the noise of the crowd’s conversations. “Why are you telling me this? Shouldn’t you also be trying to keep me tied down here?”
“I look out for myself and myself alone, and it just so happens that whatever you’ve been doing has benefited me. Now that Jackson is gone and Jenny is putting her foot down, people are already coming out more. Even Dimitri is working in a way that benefits the both of us. Albeit that may not last long for her once things are cleaned up around here, but I assume you’ll be long gone by then and she’ll have no reason to stay, so she can also find a new city to terrorize.”
Atticus smirks, “Then we’ll call this a draw. You’re a stuck up prick, Moony, but I always respected your indifference and self-preservation. Hopefully this is the last night we spend together.”
“All the more reason for me to help you along, Atticus.” Moony nods in respect before slipping behind the equipment and through the backstage door.
As Moony leaves, Atticus is given the signal from someone by the stage that it’s time to start. He flips a few switches to broadcast the show, but instead of announcing just to those listening in, he moves up to the stage. The lights blind him, just like the last time, and sweat beads at his forehead as he sees flashbacks of Jackson; the fear in his eyes before the trigger was pulled. If he had a heart, it would be pounding.
The crowd has silenced in anticipation for what Atticus has to say, and he lets the silence drag out somewhat longer than he should. Finally, he shakes the images from his mind and stares at a point above everyone’s heads. “Evening, Seatac! How we feelin’ tonight?” He keeps his voice level despite the nerves.
The crowd cheers, their voices creating a static cacophony of sound, drowning out all of his thoughts.
“Wow, so we’re doing alright I guess. I feel no need to introduce myself, you all either know me or you don’t, doesn’t matter to me, but I sure hope you all know our stars for the evening. We’ll get to Ms. Jenny Holland later, but for now let’s bring out our favorite rapper, Jermaine! Or should I say Grippy?”
Atticus replaces the mic on its stand and quickly shuffles away to his broadcasting station as Jermaine enters the stage with a handful of musicians to back him. Jermaine looks unamused by the nickname, but quickly changes his demeanor; smiling and encouraging the crowd to cheer louder and louder.
Having nothing to say to those on the radio, Atticus lets the stream go, listening to Jermaine perform as he lounges in his chair comfortably. He goes to pull a cigarette from his pocket out of habit, but promptly remembers throwing the pack across the floor of the radio station days before. It doesn’t matter anyway, so he puts his headset on to listen to the music without the extra noise in the room. It almost feels enjoyable if only I didn’t have so much of my existence on the line. I could’ve gotten used to this.
Jermaine’s show goes on until it’s time for Atticus to make the announcement that everyone has been waiting for. He begrudgingly drags himself out of his space, having nearly lost track of time, and once again trades places with Jermaine on stage.
“Another incredible performance from Jermaine! You all enjoyed it, right?” He gives the crowd a moment to cheer before continuing. “Next up is the woman you’ve been waiting for all week. Our new mob boss, a drastic upgrade if you ask me, Ms. Jenny Holland will be carrying us the rest of the way through the night and then continuing to carry the city until her time is up. Let’s make it all last, shall we?” This time he waits for Jenny to enter the spotlight so he can hand her the microphone himself. As he hands it off, Atticus mutes the mic and speaks soft enough for just her to hear, “Much respect to you, Jenny. You probably won’t see me after tonight if things go as planned, but I truly wish you the best. Keep yourself safe and keep Di distracted for another week or so for me, will ya?”
She smiles and waves into the blinding lights that shine across the crowd as they hoot and holler, her band streaming onto the stage one by one behind her and Atticus. She listens as he speaks to her and finally catches his eyes as she leans in for a hug, speaking into his ear, “Get out of here, kid, you were too young to have your life taken the way it was. Don’t worry about me, and godspeed to you, Atti.”
“Thank you.” He pulls away and leaves the stage to return to his space, surrounded by a mess of cords and radio equipment as Jenny thanks the audience and starts her set.
This time, however, the comfort doesn’t last long as Dimitri does what she does best; invade Atticus’ space. He finds himself looking up at her face, which is screwed tight as if she’s trying to tear apart his thoughts to find the one she’s looking for.
“‘Sup, Di, can I help you? I’ve done all the things tonight, you can’t be that upset with me.”
“What are you up to?”
Atticus sits up in his chair to address her better, “I’m simply doing my job, something wrong?”
“You’re weak, why aren’t I getting anything from you?”
“Maybe the city just doesn’t look up to me as much as you thought. Idols are fleeting, Dimitri, it doesn’t take much for a city like this to move on from a trend.”
“Then why aren’t you dying?”
“I am, and I already have.”
“You’re fucking useless.” She huffs and marches off.
Atticus leans back again, smiling as he stares up at the ceiling and replaces the headset for the rest of the night.
Once the music ends, Atticus shuts down his equipment and quietly joins the audience in flowing out the main entrance. Another face in the crowd, nobody looks his way as he exits the building and wanders westward down the back streets until the sun begins to rise behind him. The crow of a rooster greets the sun as Atticus finds himself at his family’s house, but the rooster and hens are the only ones home.