20

Apogean Tides//Catfish

I get up to open the window, allowing the cool air to flow into the room. The rain is coming down enough to soak the carpet, but that’s not my problem. Eun-Min gives me a dirty look -it is his problem- but I return to my seat without adjusting for him. It’s stuffier than usual in here and I don’t particularly feel well. I blame Atticus.
Since the party last weekend, Atti’s connection has felt weaker and weaker. I suppose it’s time for me to investigate once I’m done here, but for now I return my focus back to the others in the room.
Jenny is saying something about moving Seatac residents further inland, where the infrastructure is stronger, “-we’re buying their loyalty with safety, Eun-Min. Making it easier for them to seek entertainment while still maintaining their daily lives. I can assure you that if they’re not struggling to survive, they’ll be able to devote themselves to you far more, it’s a win-win for everybody.”
“Not for me.” I chime in.
They both turn to look at me as if they forgot I was in the room altogether and then Jenny responds, “Well, I can’t say that I’m particularly fond of the idea of making an entire city miserable just so you can be appeased. There’s always going to be some amount of crime and with the state of the world, tragedy is always possible. I figured you wouldn’t need it to be instigated.”
I try not to show my annoyance on my face and turn to Eun-Min, “Didn’t you agree with me early on that keeping people miserable made them more desperate for their entertainment, which helps you, too? Jackson was always on board for it!”
Eun-Min sighs, “Yes, and you’re the reason he’s dead, aren’t you? Starting to regret your actions, Dimitri? It just so happens that I’ve also learned how unnecessary you are now that he’s gone and Atticus and Jenny have promoted entertainment as something that doesn’t just have to be a distraction.”
“Why am I even here, then?” I stand from my seat and go to the door, “I bet you’re both fully aware of whatever Atticus is up to and you were just entertaining me for the time being, but I’m over it. Time to take this into my own hands.”
I don’t wait for them to respond and slam the door on my way out of what was once Jackson’s office, now Jenny’s. After everything I’ve done for them all -even if it was all a bit backhanded- don’t they owe me something? Eun-Min has everything he wants because of me and I offered the ideas to Jenny for cleaning up this city. Unfortunately, those ideas worked a little too efficiently and the mobsters are already laying low out for fear of being lynched. This city is coming to be far less useful than I had intended.
I head west to the station, Atticus has had his reprieve for long enough. It’s been a week since the party, where I last saw him, and I haven’t listened to the radio enough to hear what he’s up to.
I take my boat down the canal to avoid being in the rain too long and dock it in a side alley nearby. The building seems too busy this early in the afternoon on a Friday when there’s not even a show tonight. I watch half a dozen people hike up the fire escape stairs and slip inside. It’s not unusual for residents to move in and out of the building, but I know who lives in this building, and none of the newcomers fit their descriptions.
I quickly catch up to the people that went inside, staying far enough behind not to catch anyone’s eye but close enough to get a read on the group. It doesn’t take long to figure out who each of them are. I can tell they’re taking the elevator up to the Water Hole and take the stairs myself, arriving not far behind them and just in time to see two women from the group split off to stop by the restrooms. I slink inside behind them.
The two women are chatting as they wash up, the shorter of the two speaking, “-don’t even think he’s been around, good chance we’ll just be moving shit again today.”
“That’s okay, we’ve gotta start somewhere! I bet we’ll learn more today, though, after everything we did yesterday-” The second, taller woman startles when she notices me at the sink next to them. “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry, when did you get in here? Scared the shit out of me.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry, I tend to have that effect on people.” I wipe my hands on my pants and lean on the sink, facing the women. “You two seem ready for something cool, what’s going on?”
The taller woman continues speaking, “Yeah! We were actually headed into the Water Hole to help Steve and… the guy in charge, I can’t remember his name right now…”
I twirl a piece of my hair, “Oh my goodness! Atticus Frank!? That’s so cool, what are you helping them with?”
She seems almost more confused by his name; bad sign.
The short one responds this time, “You haven’t heard? I guess you do look like you live in Century City, so the news may not have made it inland. They’re opening the station to the community, so we’re here to learn how to use the equipment and have our own segments on the show!”
Bullshit. I plaster a smile on my face, “Wow! That’s so cool! Kinda weird that Atticus doesn’t want to do it anymore though, don’t you think? Has he said anything to you?”
“Well, no, we haven’t actually met him. In fact, last I heard, he’s been sick this week.”
“I sure hope he feels better soon, it’d be a shame if he left altogether, seeing as he’s the whole personality of the show.”
The women both shrug, and the tall one finally speaks up again, “I don’t know, he hasn’t seemed to have left much of an impression on me. At least not that I can remember.”
I’ve heard enough. “Whatever you say. Are you sure you women should really be here, though?” I look at one at a time, “I mean, isn’t your mother actively dying right now? You should probably go take care of her, she could die any minute now. And your brother, you think he knows that you supplied his girlfriend with the drugs that killed her?”
Both of their faces darken, a shadow having been cast over them, and they stumble out of the bathroom. I can hear them outside, blaming each other for such absurd accusations until they both storm away. I walk out in time to see them marching in different directions, one towards the fire exit and the other towards the elevator.
I walk by the entrance to the Water Hole and peek inside to see Steve with the other four members of the group that I followed in, along with three others. The eight of them are chatting, surrounded by recording and broadcasting equipment. I assume Atticus is also expanding the station into the venue so that they can do more live music; it’s smart, I’ll admit it.
Time to find the bastard. I head upstairs a couple of levels to his station, but it’s empty. The room is cleaner than I’ve ever seen it; the records are stacked nicely and I can actually see the floor.
I move to his flat, which is the opposite. Shit is everywhere, food is rotting in several cupboards, and a dozen cigarette buds are scattered across the surfaces and floor. However, a handful of his clothes are missing and I can’t find his stupid stuffed chicken that looks like it was dug out of a dumpster and then thrown into the canal. The asshole must have moved back home, which was a bold move after my last threat to his family. I’m sure they’ll love to see me again.
As I open Atti’s apartment door, I can hear a couple of voices down the hall, heading into the radio station. I step back, keeping the door cracked open to listen in.
Steve’s voice is easy to recognize, “-ready to run things on your own for the afternoon?”
A woman’s voice answers, “Yep! A little nervous, but more excited than anything! I already know what music I want to start my time with!”
I hear the door open and their voices disappear behind it, the sound of Steve’s heavy footsteps exiting a moment later. He takes the stairs back down to his venue, leaving the elevator clear for me to take down.
As I wait for the elevator to slowly make its way to this floor, I focus on the radio waves and tune into the broadcast.
It does not take long for the woman to jump into things. She waits for the current song to end before going live, “Good afternoon, Seatac! My name is Rosa, and I’m not only filling in for today, but I am one of the first of many that will have the opportunity to have their own segment on the radio! So tune in on Friday afternoons, and I’ll be here, talking to you all! Anyway, I’d like to properly start off by thanking our late friend, Lenny, for being the reason we have this station to begin with. This next song is going to be by one of my favorite artists from the archives, Lenny played her frequently and I fell in love immediately. Also in honor of our new, lovely mob boss, Ms. Holland, here’s Femininomenon.”
I return my attention to the elevator when it dings and the doors slide open.
I’m learning to hate Atti more and more as the day goes by, and I can’t tell if I feel like shit because I’m afraid that whatever he’s doing is working or because it already has worked. Only one way to find out.
*****
“Ohhhh look who finally showed up, took you long enough.” Atticus is laying on the edge of the back porch, surrounded by the chickens and their shit. “Too late, Dimitri, it’s fucking over.” He rolls over and throws up into the canal, but hardly anything comes out.
“It’s not over if I drag your ass back to the station so you can be this city’s shitty idol again.”
“Nope, not gonna work, I said it’s too late.”
“You say that, but I bet I could change your mind. I’ll just go get your precious family and you won’t be able to deny me once I’m holding, let’s say Elise, under the water.”
He bursts out laughing until he’s rolled over again, coughing and dry heaving into the water.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re fucking oblivious, Di. Always have been. They’re gone. You have nothing over me now.”
I finally look around the porch and through the open door; nobody else is around and the place is more unkempt than usual. Oh.
“That’s right, take it in, bitch.” He’s slowly sitting himself up, “You’ve been so caught up in yourself that you missed all the most important plot points. Now, are you going to stand there and threaten me, or will you take the loss and sit down to have an actual conversation?”
I cross my arms in defiance for a moment, but it’s clear I’ve lost. I could leave and avoid his scrutiny altogether, but finally take a seat next to him on the shit covered wood. A nearby hen coos and tries to investigate me, but I shoo it off.
Atticus nods towards the hen, “That’s West. She’s a lot like you; ambitious and prideful, but simply can’t see past her own beak.”
“Ew, don’t compare me to a chicken.”
“Aren’t you, though?” He says it with a chuckle.
I start to stand, this is a waste of my time, but he suddenly leans over and yanks me back down with a strength I didn’t expect in his dying state.
“No, you embedded yourself into my life, the least you can do is deal with the consequences. You see, here’s the thing about despair, and I’m sure you know this, you just don’t want to acknowledge it; when you let that shit into your life -which is inevitable, to be fair- it’s like an open wound. You can either leave it to fester and ruin your life, or you can do something about it. Either way, it’ll heal regardless unless you purposely reopen it. What I’m saying is, you don’t last, Dimitri, and you never will. You’re almost as fleeting as apathy. The people have already forgotten me because they remembered it’s far easier to care about something than to force themselves to be indifferent, because it’s human to care. Us humans want to live and experience life, which is why you have been trying so hard to do so.”
“I’m not human anymore, and neither are you.”
“We’re more human than ever, Di. I mean, how else would we be here if it weren’t for humanity’s obsession with the feelings of being human?”
“Stop trying to sound wise, it doesn’t suit you. Besides, what happened to the sliver of humanity I left for you? How are you here?”
“Ask her.” He nods towards the water.
I scowl, “Ew, you didn’t… that’s so cringe.”
He chuckles, “Yeahhhh, definitely not how I imagined my year going, but it worked! Now the part of me that’s dying is the guy that the city knew and deified. They wanted to believe that they, too, could accept you without care, but we all eventually realize how fucking gross and cowardly it is to let a festering wound dictate our lives. We all thought we had nothing to lose, and we were all wrong, so we decided to change.”
“So what, you’re just going to let yourself be forgotten by the world and fizzle out? Or are you gonna come after me next? A story of revenge! That could be interesting, even though we both know you could never care enough to act on revenge.”
He laughs until he’s throwing up again. “Thank the gods that I’ve got nothing left to throw up, this week has been insufferable. I’m pretty sure I started throwing up salt water at one point.” He looks me in the eyes, and I see a spark I’ve never seen in him before. “You’re right, Di, I don’t care enough to try to end you, and we both already lost this shitty game. No, I’m just going to keep living life, in as human a way as possible. Now that I’ve fully become a god, it’s not just this city keeping me alive, it’s everyone who’s ever had to deal with you and your tragedy, everyone who’s ever felt hopeless or heartbroken. You ever heard that the opposite of love is indifference? I really do understand that now, but you can’t have one without the other.”
I sigh and try to stand once again, and this time he doesn’t stop me. “None of that matters, Atticus, because you still didn’t even change, and now you’re trapped, just like me, living indefinitely as the manifestation of everything you hate the most about yourself. At least now I know I’m not alone.” I turn my back to him and begin to walk away, I’m done here. Our ties are officially severed and I feel a weight lift from my shoulders as I’m no longer drawing from his dwindling life.
I can hear him laughing behind me as I turn the corner around his house, and it’s not forced or maniacal, just the genuine laugh of a man after hearing a good joke. Atticus finally continues, yelling from around the house, “That’s where you’re wrong, Dimitri! You are still alone!”
He probably had more to say; something cliche like how he doesn’t hate himself anymore or how I’m worse because I enjoy seeing people suffer for my sake. Probably all accurate, too, but it just goes to show how I still hold more power than him. Humans will always be selfish and the filth of the earth, purely because I’m still here. They have a passion for seeing others suffer for their sake just as much as they fall in love, just as much as they enjoy entertainment, and just as much as they fear death.
Next time, I just won’t try to manipulate an already broken man. Atticus thought he had nothing to lose, which made him careless and unpredictable. No, next time I’ll pick on someone who has it all. Eastern Asia is getting back on their feet, maybe it’s time to visit my home and find some spoiled rich kid; take their silver spoon and watch as they grovel at my feet to get anything back. This was just one small setback, I’ve got plenty of time to keep playing these games.
Instead of heading inland, back to Eun-Min and Jenny, I head north up the coastline, away from the main canal and residential areas, until the water levels start to pull away. The tide is going out, so I follow it.